I attended a workshop on The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman, relationship counsellor and best-selling author. He described LOVE as the most confusing word in the English language! We say we “love” coffee and we also say we “love” our family. We fall in love and we love to read a book. We use the word “love” in many different ways – as an obsession, as an attitude and as an emotional need. We all need to fill loved – this is universal – it fills a deep human need. Maslow identified it as our third need, after our physiological needs and safety needs. However, what makes one person feel loved doesn’t necessarily make another person feel loved!
Dr. Chapman has identified 5 different ways to experience feeling loved. Which one resonates the most with you?
The 5 Languages of Love®
1. Words of Affirmation
These are words that build up another person. Unexpected compliments mean a lot to this person. Hearing specific words of appreciation makes this person’s day.
2. Gifts
In every culture in the world, giving a gift is a sign of love. The size of a gift doesn’t matter, it’s the thought that counts. For example, if you have a young son and his love language® is Gifts, then finding a special rock, on a walk for him, will mean a lot and he’ll likely keep it forever!
3. Acts of Service
The quote “Actions speak louder than words” would be very significant to this person. Having your partner make a delicious dinner or seeing your partner vacuum the house would fill this person’s love tank. Easing a person’s overwhelm, by acts of service makes a big difference here.
4. Spending Quality Time
Giving undivided attention to the person you love. Ignoring distractions and really being present with the one you love, makes this person feel loved and significant.
5. Physical Touch
This isn’t just about sexual touch, this language is about hugs, back scratches, massages, holding hands and other thoughtful touches. Non-verbal ways of feeling the love from another person. We know the power of touch with babies and this continues to be an essential need, especially for people whose love language® is Touch.
When I first heard about these 5 Love Languages®, I wondered how one could choose which would be their predominant Love Language®, but by taking Dr. Chapman’s Love Languages® profile, you will be surprised to see that you actually will have your own hierarchy of expressions of love.
The profile is created for you and your partner and there’s a separate one for figuring out each of your children. I personally found it very helpful and insightful. The questionnaire for children is divided by age groups into 5-8 years, 9-12 years and teens.
To further explore the 5 Love Languages®, Dr. Chapman has written many best-selling books such as The 5 Love Languages
And since love and apology are two of the most important ingredients in a relationship, here’s the summary of the second part of the workshop on the 5 Languages of Apology
Warmly,
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