Blog

How to Help Your Nervous Child Go Back to School

For many students, the return to school is looming.  Transitions are difficult for many of us and going back to school after a fun summer holiday with family can be especially challenging.  I have written other articles: “How to Ease Your Child’s Back to School Anxiety”, Tips and A Tool for School Anxiety, Back to School Worries and so today, I have tips for helping your child during the nervous walk or drive to school and to the classroom.

Tip #1   Help Your Nervous Child Stay in the Present

Anxiety is about the future….

What if……..happens? 

Therefore, we want to help our child to stay in the present.  We can stay in the present by using our five senses.  The following activity is sometimes used to help people who feel very anxious when sitting on a plane or during landing and take-off:

• What are five things you can see right now?
• What are five things you can hear right now?
• What are five things you can touch right now?

Repeat and this time ask for….  four things you can see right now?

• four things you can hear right now?
• four things you can touch right now?

Repeat and ask for… three things you can see right now? etc. etc.

• two things you can see right now? etc. etc.
• one thing you can see right now? etc. etc. 

*It’s okay to repeat items – the goal is to stay in the present and change one’s thoughts

Tip #2 Help Your Nervous Child Stay with Reality

Anxiety is not true fear – it is a perceived threat that has not actually happened.  Therefore, it is useful to look around and see how others are reacting.

• It can be helpful to walk into school with a friend who is not nervous
• It can be beneficial to look around and see how other kids are acting

Tip #3 Help Your Child Realize that the Nervous Feelings Are Not a True Emergency

When our body is stressed, the alarm centre in our brain, the Amygdala, is activated and our instinct is to go into fight, flight or freeze, but if the scenario is not a 911 emergency, then it is a “false alarm”.

• Remind your child that your brain is reverting back to protective instincts that were very necessary for cave people, but in this case, there is no Saber-Toothed tiger just around the corner
• Encourage your child to clench his/her fists and tense his/her muscles and then release and give the arms and hands a shake and repeat (this usually works better than deep breathing when one is already really stressed)
• Suggest that the butterfly feelings in your child’s stomach could also be thought of a fluttery feelings of excitement – perhaps to see school friends again…

Tip #4 Help Your Nervous Child Change His/Her Thoughts

Our thoughts create our feelings so changing one’s nervous thoughts about school is very effective.

• Ask your child to talk about characters from his/her favourite book or movie
• Ask your child to tell you about his/her happiest vacation
• Ask your child to count in 7’s up to 100 and then backwards by 7’s (I recommend counting by 7’s because this takes more focus than counting by 5’s)

Tip #5 Change Your Nervous Child’s Tempo

By changing our body’s physiology we can help the nervous feelings dissipate.  Get your child to school early and…

• Bring a soccer ball that you and he/she can kick around (and some friends might join in)
• Push your child on the swings
• Walk or jog around the school field (or jog to school)

I hope these five tips help your child settle into school.  Please read my other articles on this topic for more tips on helping back to school anxiety, including the importance of closing the separation by talking about what you will be doing together at pick up.

Warmly,

I’d like to receive parenting tips and the free eBook: 8 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Your Child Is Anxious

PS.  Registration is now open for my September “Brain Science” groups for boys and girls ages 7-9yrs. and 10-12 yrs. to learn about anxiety and anxiety management strategies.  You can register online here (under “upcoming events/groups.)

PPS.  Registration is now open for my November Self-Empowerment groups for boys and girls ages 7-9yrs. and 10-12 yrs.  You can register online here (under “upcoming events/groups).