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How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts

I believe one of the best concepts we can teach our children, is that our thoughts are just thoughts!

They do not have to define us.  We do not have to believe all our thoughts.  I often tell the kids I work with that our thoughts are just air!

We all get negative thoughts and we all get positive thoughts, but we need to let go of our negative thoughts.

If we’re a highly sensitive child or person, an orchid, (see my article on orchid vs. dandelion children here) we probably get more negative thoughts and more anxiety.

However, if we can learn to let go of negative thoughts, then this will be really helpful throughout one’s life.

Andy, from the wonderful Headspace App, teaches the technique of “noting” as way to let go of negative thoughts.

Here’s a one and a half minute video from Andy explaining the noting technique. Worth the quick watch!

A while ago I read a wonderful book called Hardwiring for Happiness by Dr. Rick Hanson.  I summarized this book here.  One of the main images that I liked was the idea that our brain is a garden.  The positive thoughts are the flowers and the negative thoughts are the weeds.  To let go of negative thoughts is to imagine pulling the weeds out of our garden.

He also talks about adding more “flowers” – more positive thoughts by absorbing our positive experiences and really letting them sink in.

Five Ideas for to Let Go of Negative Thoughts

With my clients, we discuss this concept a lot, and they often come up with imaginative ways to let go of negative thoughts.

One teen, imagines that she plucks the negative thought from her brain and then throws it on the ground where she turns it into a flower.  Seeing it turn into a flower, gives her a sense that she’s dealt with the negative thought and turned it into a positive.

Another teen, imagines that he takes his negative thought and then throws it away like a snowball.

With a younger child, we came up with the idea that the negative thought is like the a handkerchief which a magician takes, places in a top hat and turns it into a bouquet of flowers.

Thoughts Are Like Smells!

Recently, I’ve come up with the idea of comparing negative thoughts and positive thoughts to bad smells and good smells!   Smells come and go.  They’re just air! We notice them and we waft away the bad smells and we hold onto the good smells.  In fact, we often try to keep on smelling the smell of beautiful flowers.

With this last idea, we can also use a real flower, a lavender spray, a scented candle or infuser to produce a beautiful scent that your child loves.  Because our sense of smell is so strong, it really helps to actually smell a beautiful scent to over-ride our negative thoughts.  Also, when we use our sense of smell, it keeps us in the present versus the past or future which is where the negative thoughts tend to go.

I once worked with a boy who had some worries about going away to outdoor school.  We put together a list of ideas he could use to help him manage his anxiety while he was there.  One of the strategies was to take a small bar of lavender soap, as he really liked this smell.  When he got back (after a successful trip 👏), he told me that he would lie in his sleeping bag at night and hold the bar of soap which he would smell.  This felt very soothing and helped him fall asleep.

Whether you have a young child or a teen, it’s a good idea, to help them brainstorm a way to let go of negative thoughts.

I’d also LOVE to hear your child’s ideas as I always believe kids learn best from each other, so please email me or message me on Instagram (@sharonselbyparenting) and let me know your child’s creative way to let go of negative thoughts.

Warmly,

PS.  I’ve recently been enjoying focusing my creative energy on my Instagram feed @sharonselbyparenting.  My goal is for each post to be a little nugget to support you on your parenting journey.

In my early 20’s I was a primary school teacher and loved creating bulletin board displays.  When my kids were young, I loved scrapbooking their baby photos and now I’m realizing that Instagram is a place where I get to create fun quotes and find cool photos that connect to my message or parenting story in the caption… it would be fun to connect with you on Instagram 😀(Also, I’m in the process of figuring out IGTV, where I’ll soon be able to share short four minute videos on parenting.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*PS.  If you would like more support parenting your sensitive and/or anxious child or teen, you may wish to hear more about my online parenting group – a paid membership program for parents of sensitive/anxious kids.  Please send me a message, if you’d like to chat and hear more about it.