Blog

From my personal experiences as a Mom (now of two teenagers) and a counsellor for children and teens, I believe that the first week of a new school year is the most stressful time of the whole year for the whole family!  So if you and/or your child are feeling back-to-school stress or anxiety right now, this is normal.  Having compassion for our kids is the key!

The Many Stressors of A New School Year

It is stressful because there are so many unknowns and transitions that happen all at once!

• Many children and introverted teens enjoy the comfort and peace of being at home where they can recharge their “batteries” easily, by having some down-time.  But going back to school, means being separated from the comfort of Mom/Dad and the ease of being able to pull away and do your own thing.  Being back at school, means “Game on”, it’s social interaction and stimulation all day which can be exhausting for some kids.  (Click here  to read this 15 year olds true account of being an introvert in an extroverted environment.). Many anxious kids experience separation anxiety the first week of school so it’s important that they push through it.

 

• Next there’s all the unknowns…  Will I be in the same classes as my closest friends?  Who will I have for a teacher or teachers?  What will recess and lunch look like?  Will I still play or hang out with the same group as last year or will the social groups change?  Will the person who teased or bullied me last year keep doing it this year?  For the teens… How does my social media profile look?  What picture should I use to update my Instagram feed and what catchy caption can I create?!

(Click here to read more on social media anxiety.)

 

• Academics… Now that I’m in grade _ , what will the work expectations be?  Am I going to get good marks?  How much homework will I get?  Will I understand the lessons?  For children and teens, who have learning differences, the academics cause a lot of stress.

 

• Transitions – going to bed earlier and waking up earlier.  Considering it takes about one hour from getting ready for bed to actual sleep, this could mean going to bed a lot earlier than the summer hours.  In general, elementary school age children need approximately 10-12 hours of sleep and teens need 9 hours.  (Due to their changing circadian rhythms, they naturally fall asleep later, but still have to wake up early for high-school.  (Click here to read about creating a golden hour at sleep time for all ages).

 

• School teams and extra-curricular activities…  Not only is going back to school a big change but this is also when the extra-curricular activities start again and the try-outs for high school sports teams take place.  This adds further change and structure to a young person’s day.  It also requires a high level of organization and implementation of systems to adjust to the new schedule and the items required for the extra-curricular activities.

*Some children love going back to school and feel very excited, which still involves a range of emotions that need to be taken into consideration.

Managing Our Own Back to School Stress

As parents, we need to be on top of our own stress so that when our child panics, we can stay grounded and be the container for their angst.

I love this quote:

“When little people are overwhelmed by BIG emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”

~ L. R. Knost

We need to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier so we can be extra-organized and not be stressed about being late.

We need to plan to arrive at school and extra-curricular activities EARLY so our child doesn’t have added stress.

We need to take five minutes of deep breaths, to ground ourselves so that when our children start stressing, we can be there for them.  As Stephen Covey said:  “Seek to Understand” 

Behaviour is always communication and if our children are stressed-out, we need to help them regain their calm and hear the message that they can do hard things.

S.E.T Communication – (Support) I know you’re stressed about the first day of school.  (Empathy) I understand that you’re feeling really nervous.  (Truth) But the truth is that school is a required part of life and we all have to do things that make us feel nervous sometimes.

We need to let our children know that we believe in them.  This may be hard, but they have inner-power and they can do this!

Another one of my favourite quotes:

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

— Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh

In addition, think about what your child can do the night before school to get ready…

They could make their lunch, fill their water bottle, lay out their clothes, pack their backpack, arrange to meet a friend on the school playground and play for 15 minutes before school starts or arrange to meet their friend and walk to school together.

For other articles with practical tips for managing back-to-school anxiety, you may enjoy reading:

How to Help My Child with Anxiety about School

I wish you and your children all the best for a smooth start to the new school year as possible,

Warmly,

PS.  Registration is open for my next round of “Brain Science” groups where kids learn to understand and manage anxiety in a fun atmosphere.  In-Person groups run for 7 Tuesdays (after-school hours) and are for children ages 10-12 years and 7-9 years.  The online group runs for 7 Wednesdays and is for kids ages 7-10yrs.  To learn more about all three groups and to register, please click here.

 

 

PPPS.  You may wish to order my children’s book, Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave ~ Empowering Children to Understand and Overpower Anxiety, as a home resource for helping your child with the worries.  You can purchase it here.