Understanding Our Highly Sensitive Children and Their “Super Powers”
Sensitivity = One of the Nine Inborn Temperament Traits
As a Highly Sensitive Person myself, living in a family of Highly Sensitive People, it makes sense that I truly understand my highly sensitive children and clients.
According to research by Dr. Elaine Aron, Highly Sensitive People make up approximately 20% of the population: 1 in 5.
Highly sensitive children and teens are often misunderstood.
Recently, I’ve been teaching the kids and teens that I work with, about sensitivity and their “Super Powers” that come with being a sensitive person.
*It’s really important that we help our kids and teens understand who they are, because, even if we don’t explain it, they will still feel all the aspects that come with this inborn trait, and not know how to make sense of it!
Secondly, we also need to teach them that this is an inborn temperament trait.
This is essential for parents and teachers to understand as well.
It’s not something that they can “turn off” and therefore it’s important that they understand it for its strengths and learn how manage the challenges that come with it too.
There is no such thing as being “too sensitive” – it’s a continuum and it’s not within one’s control as to where one is born on this continuum. We need both people who are lower in sensitivity and people who are higher in sensitivity for all kinds of careers that contribute to our planet.
Nowadays, Highly Sensitive Children, Teens and Adults are also referred to as Orchids, after the orchid flower versus the dandelion. You can read my summary of the wonderful book The Dandelion and The Orchid here.
To read more on this topic, Dr. Elaine Aron is the expert in the field on high sensitivity. She has written some excellent books including The Highly Sensitive Child
The Acronym D.O.E.S. for Understanding Highly Sensitive People
Dr. Elaine Aron has created the acronym D.O.E.S. to explain the four main aspects of being highly sensitive.
D = Depth of Processing or Deep Thinker
Highly sensitive kids and adults process everything more. They are constantly relating and comparing what they notice to their past experience with similar things. They may not even realize they’re doing it, but this is what often makes them slower to answer or make a decision.
This is a “Super Power Strength” because it is beneficial to think and reflect, before acting.
O = Overstimulating
For those of us who have are highly sensitive or who have a highly sensitive child, we know how much the five senses can be heightened and cause an over-arousal in our system. (Dr. Aron explains that this is different to Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorder where the five senses also easily trigger over-arousal.).
Too much noise, too much clutter, too strong smell, too hot, too crowded, uncomfortable textures etc. these are all situations which can be an over-load for the highly sensitive child.
As a “Super Power Strength”, we can count on highly sensitive people to be the first ones to smell smoke and pull the fire alarm or be aware of other dangers.
E = Empathy and Emotional Reactivity
In a study, by Bianca Acevedo, sensitive and non-sensitive people looked at photos of both strangers and loved ones expressing happiness, sadness, or a neutral feeling.
In all situations, when there was emotion in the photo, sensitive people showed increased activation in the insula, but also more activity in their mirror neuron system, especially when looking at the happy faces of loved ones.
When my son was born, I remember my, then 2 1/2 year old, daughter crying when her new baby brother cried. I also remember both my children not being able to watch Disney movies at a young age, even though most of their friends could, because they found them too sad.
The “Super Power Strength” of Empathy is quoted below (from Dr. Elaine Aron’s website hsperson.com):
“There is a common misunderstanding that emotions cause us to think illogically. But recent scientific thinking, reviewed by psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues, has placed emotion at the center of wisdom.
One reason is that most emotion is felt after an event, which apparently serves to help us remember what happened and learn from it.
The more upset we are by a mistake, the more we think about it and will be able to avoid it the next time.
The more delighted we are by a success, the more we think and talk about it and how we did it, causing us to be more likely to be able to repeat it.”
Highly Sensitive People also tend to care about animals and the planet a lot too.
S = Sensing the Subtle
A highly sensitive person often picks up on the subtle things that get missed by other people. This connects to highly sensitive people being able to read a room or read a person well. This aspect can be a disadvantage and draining when there is too much negative information or negative cues to process.
The “Super Power Strength” that I explain to kids and teens is their ability to be very observant.
You can answer this questionnaire to find out more about your child and their sensitivity.
You can answer this questionnaire for adults to found out more about their sensitivity.
I hope this article has given you more insight into the world of Highly Sensitive Children, Teens and Adults. I encourage you to learn more about being a Highly Sensitive Person or a Highly Sensitive Child by reading Dr. Elaine Aron’s books mentioned earlier.
“By understanding temperament, a parent can work with the child, rather than trying to change his/her inborn traits.”
~ Kathy Oliver, Ohio State University
Warmly,
PS. Registration for my Spring Self-Empowerment Groups (for 7-9 year olds and 10-12 year olds in-person and 7-10 year olds online) is open. For more information and to register, please go to: www.sharonselby.com/groups
PPS. Join me on Instagram, for a daily dose of inspiration ✨ to support you on your parenting journey ❤️ @sharonselbyparenting
*For any purchases made through Amazon links, I will receive a very small commission which helps toward the running of this blog. I only ever recommend books that I have read and found beneficial.
📷 Thank you to Lucas Metz at Unsplash for the photo.
Want to Connect?
Subscribe now to receive free weekly parenting tips and inspiration.
