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Having Anxiety Is Like Riding A Wild Horse with No Reins

When I’m explaining anxiety to kids and teens, I compare it to riding a wild horse with no reins.  It’s the wild horse of anxiety!  If you aren’t holding onto the reins, the horse takes charge and takes you all over the place, at a fast speed.  This is comparable to a racing mind full of anxiety.

If you continue to let the horse be in charge, taking you wherever you go, the horse gets more comfortable being in charge.  You feel more and more out of control!

Taking Charge of Anxiety Means Holding onto the Reins

To get hold of the wild horse of anxiety, means grabbing the reins.

First, you have to make the decision that you are exhausted by feeling out of control. Then, you have to be willing to reach for the reins and start to take back the control.

Steps to Taming the Wild Horse of Anxiety

Once you’ve decided to get your power back and get back in charge of your life, you have to make conscious decisions.

When the anxiety is telling you that a situation is a “threat” and you should avoid it, or that you can’t try something new because you can only do things that are familiar, you have to do the OPPOSITE!

This is so important.

If you continue to believe the story that the anxiety is telling you, and do as it says, it’s the same as letting the wild horse take you on a wild ride.  It feeds the anxiety!

If your brain and body are feeling stressed and anxious, but you know the situation is not a true emergency, you have to tell yourself it’s a false alarm and do the opposite.

When you do the opposite, you prove the anxiety story wrong.  This is the first step in holding the reins and telling the wild horse of anxiety, in which direction you want to go.

For example, a child is scared to go upstairs by themselves, and therefore always needs a parent or sibling to accompany them – this is an anxiety story that the child has built up in their head.  They need to practice going step-by-step up the stairs and realize they are completely safe.

If your child or teen is scared to sleep by themselves, this is an anxiety story.  They need to learn how to sleep independently to prove the story wrong.

Over the years, I’ve helped so many children and teens learn how to sleep independently and what’s amazing to see is that they then become less-anxious and more confident in their daytime life as well!

I know it’s hard to do the opposite, and that’s why it’s important to start by taking baby steps toward doing the opposite.  I call it the staircase approach.  Read my blog on the staircase approach here.

What Is Behaviour Activation?

The other very important concept is Behaviour Activation.  (This is important for anxiety and also for depression.) Behaviour activation means participating in enjoyable activities, even when you’re not feeling motivated or you’re wanting to withdraw from the world.

It’s recommended to write out a list of all the enjoyable activities that you like to do.

Rate them from easiest to hardest.  Choose the easiest ones first and set a goal to do an activity once/day or how ever often seems to makes sense.

For example, a list of behaviour activation activities could be:  go for a walk, go for a bike ride, bake cookies for the next door neighbour, go for a workout with a personal trainer, play tennis, shoot hoops, join a marital arts class or a dance class, join an art class or a pottery class.  Take music lessons.  Go to a movie with a friend.  Play pitch-and-putt golf with a friend.  (Try to choose some behaviour activation activities which involve participating in an activity without a parent or sibling.)

Any activity that you enjoy counts.  The main point is that high anxiety can stop us from doing the activities that we used to love doing.  We may lose interest and motivation in continuing these activities.

So even though you may not feel like doing one of your listed activities, do the opposite!  Choose an activity, do it, and notice how you feel better once you’ve done it!

Thoughts create feelings and feelings create actions but we can always start with action…

A new action creates new thoughts, which leads to new feelings.

As the new school year approaches, many kids and teens are feeling anxious.

Leading up to the start of school, encourage your child do at least one activity that they enjoy doing each day.

Encourage your child to do the opposite of anxiety once/day.

This is how they take back the reins.  This is how they tame the wild horse of anxiety, one day at a time.

I know how hard it can be, but I also know how important it is that they don’t give up and let the wild horse take over.

Warmly,

PS.  Registration is open for my next round of September/October “Brain Science” groups to teach children ages 7-9yrs. and 10-12yrs. about worry and anxiety and how to mange it.  (The 7-9yrs. group is sold out, please reply to this blog, to be placed on the waiting list) but there are still some spaces in the 10-12yrs. group.  For more information and to register, click here.

PPS.  To order my children’s book, Surfing the Worry Imp’s Wave (and teach your child 10 tools for handling anxiety) click here.

📷 Photo credit:  Thank you to Christine Benton at Unsplash.