One of the parents from a recent presentation I gave on anxiety, came up to me at the end, to ask why is anxiety on the rise?
Today I’m going to cover five reasons that researchers and mental health professionals are hypothesizing for why anxiety is on the rise and what we, as concerned parents and educators, can do about it. Next week I’ll continue and discuss the other five reasons.
Parenting in this generation is much different than previous generations. We now realize that children need to have a voice, be respected, be connected and have boundaries (but without physical punishment). It can be difficult to remain in the Alpha position and be attached, therefore there is a lot of confusion about what this new parenting framework looks like.
5 Reasons Why Anxiety Could Be on The Rise…
1) Helicopter Parenting
When parents are so attached to their children, that their kids don’t believe they can do anything for themselves, these children lose their courage. They believe that they always need their parents to protect them and they are not capable of facing challenges by themselves. If these children, don’t have opportunities to experience feelings of distress, because their parents are quick to jump in and rescue them or fix things and make their sad feelings go away, these children become scared of feeling distressing emotions. They become anxious and this can lead to depression.
What to Do? Children need love and boundaries. They need a close connection and they need to know that we believe in their capabilities. They need to experience disappointment and sadness and see that they can work through these feelings. (See: Are You The Protector or The Pusher? for more information on this topic)
2) Authoritarian Parenting
When parents want the best for their children so much that they spend their parenting lives, controlling everything their child does, these children don’t develop their inner-selves. There is so much pressure on these children to behave just right, get good marks in school, get accepted into the right post-secondary school, and be on the top level sports teams or in competitive dance etc. These children are pushed and pushed until they burn out and can’t handle the lack of control in their own lives. Perfectionism is not healthy – it is actually a form of anxiety.
What to Do? We need to be careful of the Parenting Ego. How much are you projecting your wishes onto your child? (See: Are You The Protector or The Pusher? and The Three Styles of Parenting) Children need boundaries, but they need to be able to make choices for themselves within parameters.
3) Society Perpetuates the “Treadmill Effect”
As parents, we may not want to be part of the “rat race”, but it’s difficult for parents to step away. Parents know that everyone else’s child is starting soccer at age 4yrs. and if their child doesn’t start early, they will get so far behind that they will always be on the worst team. Parents are aware that nowadays, high school students need even higher marks than 25 years ago, to be accepted into the local universities, never mind the Ivy League Universities. We are living a fear-based society. It’s difficult to trust that everything will work out for our children, if we don’t push them.
What to Do? Check with yourself, your partner and your children, that your children’s goals and dreams are indeed their goals and dreams. Support your child in reaching his/her goals but with the awareness that if your child is becoming overwhelmed, then it’s time to reevaluate and change course. A healthy mental state is much more important than high letter grades or high-level teams.
4) Sensitive Parents Breed Sensitive Kids
Dr. Paul Fox, author of The Worried Child, points out that sensitive people often partner up with sensitive partners, thus we are breeding more sensitive kids. Sensitive children are more prone to anxiety, and if anxiety grows, it can turn into depression.
What to Do? Recognize that you have a highly sensitive child who may be more prone to anxiety and depression. Be very connected to your child, and support your child in facing challenges vs. avoiding them. If your child has high anxiety, and it is negatively impacting his/her life, seek help from a licensed mental health professional. (*Check the counsellor has a Masters degree or PhD in Psychology).
5) External Locus of Control
Research shows that children and young adults, nowadays, are more likely to see challenges as being out of their locus of control. Jean Twenge and her colleagues found that the average young person in 2002 was more External than were 80% of young people in the 1960s. When people believe that their life circumstances are out of their control, and there’s nothing they can do to improve them, their anxiety increases and so does their sense of helplessness which may lead to depression.
What to Do? Teach children how to problem solve. Give your child choices. When your child has a problem, don’t jump in and rescue. Support your child, help your child be optimistic vs. pessimistic and help your child come up with a plan.
Next week, I’ll continue with part 2 of this article and discuss the other five reasons why anxiety is on the rise. I’ll also summarize, in a nutshell, the key factors in raising an emotionally resilient child.
Have a good week empowering your child,
Warmly,
PS. Throughout the year, I run “Brain Science” groups for 7-9 year olds and 10-12 year olds to teach them about their brains, how anxiety works and how to manage anxiety. Registration is now open for these groups which will start May 9th, 2019. Please call the ABLE office at 604-922-3450 and speak to Hailey for more information.
PPS. A wonderful new learning centre called Homeroom, has just opened in West Vancouver. They are offering excellent 1:1 multi-sensory tutoring, young entrepreneur camps, junior forensic/engineering camps, a kindergarten readiness program for children entering kindergarten in September and more. Check out their website with more details here.
PPPS. The documentary ANGST is coming to the Kay Meek Theatre, May 21st, 2019 (recommended for older tweens and teens too.) . You can purchase tickets here. There will be a panel discussion, which I will be a part of, after the film.
Want to Connect?
Subscribe now to receive free weekly parenting tips and inspiration.
