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A few years ago I had the pleasure of attending Josh Shipp’s inspiring presentation, live at the Chan Centre, in Vancouver. If you haven’t heard of Josh Shipp, he is someone worth looking up.

From being orphaned at birth (abandoned in hospital by his 17 year old mother) he then moved from foster home to foster home at least twelve times. He was hurt, angry, rebellious and bitter. However, with the foster parents who took him in at age 13yrs. one simple phrase (revealed in #5 below) turned Josh’s life around…so much so that he became a Stanford graduate, teen motivational speaker, and a guest on shows such as Good Morning America and Oprah!

I came away with a list of six very important take-aways that I believe every parent and child should hear.

Josh Shipp is clever with his words and has created these memorable quotes/tips…

#1 “Bitter or Better?” ~ Josh Shipp

The quality of your life comes down to the quality of the questions you ask yourself:
“Why did that happen to me?” = BITTER – thus training your brain to make excuses
“What can I learn from this?” = BETTER – thus training your brain to be resilient
Such small differences in spelling, but such a big difference in how you live your life.

“A little bitty difference makes a big difference” ~ Josh Shipp

#2 “We can talk it out or we can act it out” ~ Josh Shipp

When something challenging happens we either talk it out or act it out.  I have always said that “behaviour is communication” which is what Josh is saying here, but I love how he puts it, in this catchy quote:

“We can talk it out or we can act it out”

When our children/teens are acting out, this is how they are “talking” to us.

 

#3 “You deal with it or it deals with you” ~ Josh Shipp

Josh Shipp asked the audience, which was comprised of a lot of teens as well as parents, if they remembered playing Mario Brothers. In Mario Brothers, there’s a ghost that trails you and stalks you as long as you keep your back to it. The only way to get rid of the ghost is to face it.

When Josh was 8 yrs. old, and had already been kicked out of multiple foster homes, he was placed in a group home, where he was raped by another boy in the group home who was 21 yrs. old. Josh kept it a secret for many years and turned to food as a way to numb himself. Until he dealt with it, it was dealing with him, by making him an over-eater.

His advice for everyone: “You deal with it or it deals with you”

 

#4 “Do not make someone’s words to you a priority, when all you are to them is an option” ~ Josh Shipp

Josh became known as the fat, punk orphan kid. He was on a rebellious mission. His goal was to be kicked out of every foster home and school. He was bullied and moved from foster home to foster home. He could usually ignore the torments by the bullies, except when they would say something to the effect of: “No wonder your mother left you in hospital, you’re such a short, fat punk”. These words would penetrate through Josh’s thick skin and he would wonder if it was true.

 

#5 We don’t see you as a problem, we see you as an opportunity”

~ Rodney (Josh’s foster father)

When Josh was 13 years old and 12 or 13 foster homes later, he was taken to Rodney and Christine’s for his new foster home placement. For three years he tried to get kicked out of this home and ended up landing himself in jail. He used his one phone call to contact Rodney and Rodney said he would bail him out of jail…the next morning. (Rodney believed in kids having to spend some time experiencing the consequences of their choices).

The next morning Rodney bailed Josh out and took him home in silence. At home, he said they needed to talk and Josh fully expected to hear that he was being kicked out.

However, Rodney and Christine sat down with Josh and Rodney said:
“We don’t see you as a problem, we see you as an opportunity”

No one had ever said these kinds of words to Josh before and they were life-changing. He then decided to be better not bitter.

#6 “Kids spell TRUST… T – I – M – E” ~ Josh Shipp

With trust you have the asset of influence. Spending time consistently and intentionally creates trust.

Josh then produced this very powerful visual (and gave me permission to photograph it):

First, he brought out the jar containing the most marbles – 936 to be exact – each marble representing one week of a child’s life. 936 weeks = how many weeks we have with our child from birth to eighteen years.

He then brought out the middle glass jar, representing our child at age 9yrs. showing how many weeks we have left with our child until he/she turns 18 yrs. = 468 marbles.

Then he brought out the third jar showing how many weeks you have left with your child at age 16 yrs = 104 marbles. His message was a powerful reminder of how fast time goes and how we need to value our time with our children, while they’re still living at home.

Lastly, he finished with this quote from Harvard:
“Every child who winds up doing well, has had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult”.

As a motivational speaker, he said he’s supposed to say: “You can change the world” but instead he said it’s more authentic to say to everyone:

“You can’t change the world but you can change one person’s world” ~ Josh Shipp

With that, he encouraged everyone to be a “Rodney” and to value their own “Rodney” in their life.
You may never know that you’re being a “Rodney” to someone until many years later…

Take-action tip:
#1 Be a “Rodney” to someone and don’t ever give up on them

#2 Remember that time is the most important asset we have as parents

“A little bitty difference makes a big difference” ~ Josh Shipp,

Warmly,

PS. Registration is now open for my Fall “Brain Science” Groups to teach kids about anxiety and anxiety management strategies.  Groups are for kids ages 7-9 yrs. and 10-12 yrs. There are in-person groups and an online group.  For more information and to register online, please click here.