Blog

Staying Calm Even When Emotions Are Escalated…

Self-regulation is the big buzz concept these days and for really good reasons!  Most adults today, were not taught as children, how to process their emotions and express them openly.  It was once believed that if a child was crying or having a temper tantrum that he/she should be sent to his/her room until he/she could “behave” once more…

Now that we have the field of brain science to guide us, and we know so much more about the brain in relation to our physiological and emotional response, we realize how difficult it is to always stay in control.

How many adults do you know who have never yelled or had a “tantrum” in their adult life?  (and that’s with a fully developed brain).  Yet, we sometimes still expect our children to always be in control of their emotions.

“All our emotions are okay.  All our behaviours are not okay.”  ~ Sharon Selby

(To download a cute pdf of this quote with all the emotion characters from the Inside-Out Movie, click here to be directed to this blog post on accepting all emotions, which is different than accepting all our behaviours.)

What Is the Best Way for Our Children to Learn Self-Regulation Skills?

From us!

By seeing us, as parents and educators, remain calm and patient even when situations get stressful and emotions are escalated.

We have to work really hard at staying calm because our children trigger us so easily.

What Is A Quick and Effective Tip for Staying Calm?

Say your child’s “pet name” first!

For example, if you are getting really frustrated, start by saying:

“Honey…”      or   “Love…”   or “Sweetie…”  or whatever your nickname is for your child.

This will immediately set the tone to be more calm, and your child will sense it too.  If your child can sense that you are staying calm, he/she won’t need to raise his/her defences, and then he/she will be more cooperative.

If your tone is angry, your child will feel threatened, the amygdala (alarm centre in the brain) will be activated and your child’s instincts will go into fight, flight or freeze.

It’s difficult to be loving and angry at the same time, so if you start your sentence with your child’s pet name, you are setting yourself up to interact from your heart while staying calm.

Secondly, speak from the heart and express your frustration with an “I feel…” message.

Example,  “Honey, I’m feeling frustrated because I’ve asked you to come to the dinner table a couple of times, and you have still not come.”     Look at your child and wait for his/her response.

versus

“Johnny, you‘re not listening to me and you‘re making me so mad.  I’ve had it with you.”

If you are a teacher in a classroom, you could try the same principle, but say the child’s first name and then follow with an “I feel…” message.

Monkey See, Monkey Do!  Give this tip a try and good luck this week, staying calm and patient with your child.

Warmly,

PS.  If you enjoyed this article, please share your “like” by heading over to my Facebook page and liking it.  Thank you so much – I really appreciate it~

5 Tips for Handling Challenging Behaviours