Blog

This is the third article in a series discussing Behaviourism and Adlerian Parenting (Democratic Parenting.)  (Article One: Rewards, Punishments, What is Your Parenting Philosophy? Article Two: How Do Behaviourism and Adlerian Parenting Come Together?)

What is our Quality World? The Key to Intrinsic Motivation

World-renowned, psychiatrist, Dr. William Glasser, describes a Quality World as:

A small personal world, which each person starts to create in his or her memory shortly after birth and continues to create and re-create throughout life, is made up of a small group of specific pictures that portray the best ways to satisfy one or more our our basic needs…what these pictures portray falls into three categories: i) the people we most want to be with ii) the things we most want to own or experience, and iii) the ideas or systems of belief that govern much of our behaviour.  p.45, Choice Theory, W. Glasser, M.D.

 

Deep-down we all know what is important to us, but to articulate it as our “quality world” helps us to understand why we feel such joy and pain at times. This is the key to understanding intrinsic motivation.

Joy happens when we’ve satisfied a picture in our quality world.

Pain happens when we feel as though we’ve failed, or failed at something from the picture in our quality world.

Our quality world pictures are all unique, thus we all define reality in the way that relates to our quality world.

Happy people tend to have a handful of people (family members, loved ones, friends) in their quality worlds but unhappy people may have lost their trust in the people who were in their quality world, and therefore often replace their quality world pictures with images of drugs, promiscuous sex, anti-social behaviours etc.  (The images they see on Tik-Tok and Instagram reinforce their Quality Worlds.)

The only way to help them is to try and build or re-build a trusting relationship with them.

For the teenager who has been grounded repeatedly, is now refusing to talk to their parents and is possibly engaging in self-harm, the parents need to reach out and give the message that they care, but may not support everything they are doing.

However, they would like to assist and help figure out what is in their child’s quality world and how can they can assist in these needs being met in an adaptive way versus a maladaptive way.

It is also important to understand which of Glasser’s four basic needs, (love/belonging, fun, freedom, power) is the driving force.

How Do Quality Worlds fit with Motivation?

According to Glasser and his Choice Theory, whatever behaviour we choose, comes from within.

He gives the example of a ringing phone – we don’t answer the phone because it rings, the ring gives us information that we are receiving a call, and then based on this information, we choose if we are going to answer or not.  A pay-cheque may motivate us, but because it’s part of our own quality world, not because someone is trying to externally control us.

To transfer this theory to practicality, my belief is to try to tap into our children’s intrinsic motivation (ie. their quality world) as much as possible.

This may be much more difficult than just offering a reward if they complete the task, but the results are long-term and sustainable.

For example, for a child who is a reluctant reader and not confident about moving to chapter books.  One could create a sticker/treat/reward program for every chapter that they read to use external motivation, or try several different series from the library until you find the one that piques their interest enough by connecting to their quality world and their intrinsic motivation.  If their basic need is FUN, The Riot Brothers  are to be applauded for getting kids going on chapter books by introducing silly stories about two mischievous brothers and their antics!

Another example happens when I’m teaching the Zones of Regulation (for understanding our self-regulation process) to my child clients.  I know the information can be dry (and therefore not particularly appealing to their quality worlds) but if I incorporate games (pick-up sticks, for example, uses all the colours of the Zones of Regulation) then I can tap into their quality world need for “fun” and keep them learning and engaged while conveying the necessary information.

I’m still setting up a situation that is positively reinforcing and incorporating non-preferred activities with preferred activities, as my behaviour training has taught me.   However, this is done in a natural way which does not make it about external control as that is what kids, teens and all people tend to resist.

However, there are times when limits have to be set because a child’s quality world picture may not be healthy and adaptive.  We can make intuitive guesses about their quality world and their wishes, and take these pictures into consideration, but within the parameters of what’s healthy, adaptive and non-negotiable.

Enjoy reading my previous article on the Four Basic Needs to see how you and your family members prioritize the four basic needs.

Have a wonderful week,

Warmly,

PS. I’ll be speaking on Motivation and Anxiety in a free online series titled, Motivate Your Children to Succeed which kicks off on October 2nd, 2021.  There are many interesting speakers discussing topics such as How to Help Our Kids Develop Grit, Motivation and Resilience.  Dr. Jeffrey A. Barnes – a professor, best-selling author and keynote motivational speaker uses the “Wisdom of Walt” to talk about the Disney Parks/Walt Disney and how these magical worlds teach many important lessons – I’m really interested to hear him speak.  You can sign up for this completely free online event here.

PPS.  Registration is now open for my next round of Self-Empowerment Groups for 7-9 year olds and 10-12 year olds.  These are in-person groups, held at the West Vancouver United Church.  You can read more about these groups and register here.