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This past two weeks I’ve experienced disrespect in a few different situations and I’m shocked, sad and worried that many children are not being taught good morals, values and manners.  I’m also concerned that some parents are not aware that they are modelling disrespect to their children.  We all have blind spots, and we don’t know what we don’t know…  Here’s the quiz to check for blind-spots and my true, shocking stories from this week!

Here’s a quick quiz on respect…

If an adult, was walking into a building, would your child wait for the adult to enter and then exit or would your child barge right out the door?  Would your child know to hold the door open for the adult?  (Give yourself extra points if you answer “yes” to this one, as this is a respectful behaviour that is almost extinct in today’s generation of kids.)

This week I walked into a school and was basically run over by a stampede of children leaving the building as I was entering. I had to stand there and wait for all of them to leave before I could enter.

At a music recital, would your child know to sit quietly and listen to the child playing his/her piece, or would you and your child be talking while a child was playing?

At a music recital, would you and your children respect the person playing his/her music or would you walk up and down in the middle of children playing their musical instruments, to help yourself to cookies, candies and juice at the food table?

We recently attended a music recital for one of our children and throughout the recital, parents and children were talking, walking up and down to get food and drinks, and there were even two kids (approx. age 9yrs.) having a game of rolling around on the carpet, right beside the child playing his guitar piece for the recital!

At the end of the recital, would your child go up to his/her music teacher and say “thank you” to the teacher for hosting and organizing the recital?

At a dance recital, where the director has specifically requested that there be no photos or filming during the recital (DVDs could be ordered of the recital), would you then go ahead and pull out your phone and start filming your child on stage, then have a Centennial Theatre staff member ask you to put your phone away, and then would you bring it out again while the staff member was further down the rows asking another parent to put away her phone, then hide it as she comes back up the aisle, and then bring it out AGAIN when you think the staff member is gone and have to be asked AGAIN to stop filming!?!

This is what the lady in front of us did, and her daughter, who was approximately 6yrs. old sitting next to her, watched this blatant repeated disregard for the rules!

If an adult walked into a school, and asked a student where the kitchen was, would your child show the parent the way, or politely give directions, or say “It’s over there, and that’s why it says “kitchen” on the door”!( in a very rude tone!)?

As one boy, pointed me in the right direction, another child said the extremely rude comment of “That’s why it says “kitchen” on the door”.  I walked back over to him and told him that he was being very rude, but I don’t think he really cared.

If you were eating dinner in a restaurant, with another family, would you be comfortable letting the kids run around the restaurant while other customers are trying to enjoy a dinner out together?

Dr. Leonard Sax has written a new book called The Collapse of Parenting and all of these recent experiences provide evidence that we are on a slippery slope!

What does the mother who knows she’s not allowed to be filming think she’s teaching her daughter sitting next to her?  Is she not aware that by acting entitled, as though the rules don’t apply to her, that her daughter is learning that the world revolves around her, rules are not for following and it’s okay to be disrespectful to the dance director’s specific requests!

What are the parents at the music recital thinking as they and their children focus on themselves and only listen when their own child is playing music?  These children are all learning that the world revolves around them and they don’t have to have regard for others!

I see many parents who are “checked-out” of their parenting role.  It’s easier for them to sit back, relax, watch their children roll around on the carpet and have fun lying on the floor, than to teach their children that this is not acceptable behaviour at a concert and all children deserve their silence, focus and attention while playing their musical pieces.

Some people, may think that I’m sounding too uptight, but I’m looking ahead at the kind of culture we are creating.  We have already heard that the Millenial generation is known as “Generation ME”.  Research is already showing that the millennial generation is known for showing up late for work, dressing any way they want, texting while they’re supposed to be working, and listening to music with their earbuds in!  If we “check-out” of our parenting role, our children will default to the new-norm of disrespecting others, thinking the world revolves around them, and feeling entitled!

I had such empathy for the music teacher who was dressed in a nice dress shirt with a smart pair of dress pants, put on a smiling face, while it was clear that many of the families were not taking his concert seriously.  He has taught our children for ten months and this is the reward?  I counted that I’ve attended 14 musical recitals, between my two children, and until this last one, I’ve never seen a recital with such poor manners.

It’s always a work in progress, and my kids won’t always behave well, but if they know what our family values are, what the expectations are and we teach them about respect and model it ourselves, we have a much greater chance of creating respectful children who will grow into respectful young adults.

If we take a few moments to “preload” our children before we enter a certain setting about the expectations for the event, we will be teaching our children important life-lessons.

Teaching manners, creates good values = moral behaviour,

Let’s not give up on respecting one another,

Warmly,

PS.  There are three spaces available for my Summer Brain Science camp, teaching children ages 9-11 yrs about anxiety and anxiety management strategies.  There are also spaces later on in the summer for my next Summer Brain Science camp for children ages 10-12.  For more information and to register online, click here.