Anti-Bullying Advice from Brooks Gibbs
I have recently discovered the anti-bullying work of School Psychologist and Sociologist, Brooks Gibbs, and I really think it’s fabulous and effective!
For many years, in my self-empowerment groups for kids, I’ve taught them anti-bullying strategies for handling teasing and taunting from the excellent book: Simon’s Hook. I have also recommended teaching these strategies to siblings to deflate sibling rivalry. You can read more here –> https://www.sharonselby.com/uncategorized/handling-sibling-rivalry-or-tauntingteasing-from-peers
I love Brooks Gibbs’ work because he says the key to anti-bullying is:
- Teaching kids how to not get upset (emotional resilience)
- Emphasizing the importance of treating others like a friend (the Golden Rule)
This is very much inline with the philosophy of the book, Simon’s Hook, and, as you will read in the above-mentioned blog article, I also believe these strategies work very well with sibling rivalry.
In his video, which has received over 1.5 million views, he demonstrates, with the help of a high school volunteer, how to put his strategies into practice: (If you’re short on time, fast forward to the part where the brings the high school girl up on stage)
Summary of Brooks’ Anti-Bullying Philosophy:
“2,400 years ago, Aristotle taught that the Golden Rule was the solution to all social problems. Treat others, not as they treat you, but as you want to be treated. Treat everyone (even your enemies) as friends. I would love kids to get out of the trap of reciprocity. Stop being mean to mean people. Instead, start being nice to mean people. When you do this, they have a hard time staying mean and just might become nice.”
He explains that bullying is like a game where there’s a winner and a loser.
The person doing the bullying behaviour wants to win, and if they don’t, and they lose, they won’t want come back and do it again.
For the one being targeted to win, he/she has to stay calm, not take the words personally, and realize this is a social power game. If they can stay calm, and be neutral or nice, the person bullying doesn’t have anything to work with.
In the video above, watch the girl to see her energy get fuelled by Brooks comments in the first scenario. She’s on fire and enjoying every minute!
However, in the second scenario, she starts out energetic again, but her energy quickly fades and she soon becomes uncomfortable because her usual tactics aren’t working and Brooks is not rising to her comments.
Can These Strategies Help Me with Parenting?
YES!
When parents start arguing or getting mad and annoyed with their child, they are giving away their power and fuelling their child!
When parents stay calm, and neutral and don’t rise to the bait, their child loses their power, and to use Brooks’ language, the parent wins!
It always comes back to us having to self-regulate first – being cool, calm and collected. Our children force us to have to figure out self-regulation or we give away our power and fuel our children in an unhealthy way.
We need to practice The Golden Rule, even if our children aren’t always practicing it.
Role-modelling for our kids is key.
The Golden Rule is for all of us in all our relationships: “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you”.
Take-Action Tip: Watch the Brooks Gibbs Anti-Bullying video above (and with your children, if they’re old enough)!
Practice living by The Golden Rule and show how being kind, goes a lot further, then being mean or pesty.
Warmly,
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