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Last week I wrote an article to help you identify your Personality Priority.  If you missed it, please take a quick read at: What Is Your Personality Priority? and then you will be able to apply your answers to this article, which will give you some actionable tips on how to grow yourself, thus ultimately benefitting you as a parent.

Remember every Personality Priority has its advantages and disadvantages and none are better or worse than others.  Each one comes with its own shadow side.  It can be very hard to admit to one’s shadow side, but through awareness we continue to grow.

“Every interaction with our children is a reflection of our own relationship with ourselves” ~ Dr. Shefali

“The shoe that fits one person, pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases” ~ Carl Jung

If Your Personality Priority Is Comfort…

1. Comfort – If you prefer life to be comfortable, you are probably easy to be around. Your child/teen probably enjoys hanging out with you because you’re not one to be nosey or intrusive. However, you may be inclined to sweep problems under the rug. There may be warning signs that your child needs/wants you to pick up on, but it may feel stressful and therefore you may let things go until they are so big that they can’t be ignored. You may also be more likely to expect those around you to be the “planners”.

Your personal growth challenge could be to plan an activity for the family. You may also benefit from noticing when problems are small and being part of the problem-solving process. Regular family meetings would be very beneficial for your personal development and for your whole family. See Family Meetings to increase Democracy and the Four Cs for a step-by-step plan of how to run successful family meetings.

If Your Personality Priority Is Pleasing…

2. Pleasing – If your top priority is to please others, you are probably very thoughtful, kind and reliable. Your child/teen probably enjoys how helpful you are. However, you may be inclined to repeatedly rescue your child from distress, which in the long-term enables your child. You may also have buried feelings of resentment that no-one appreciates you enough and your family will sense this.  Since you don’t like confrontation, this will be a difficult issue to discuss, and thus the pattern continues.

Your personal growth challenge could be to say “no” if you notice you’re “over-functioning”. Carve out some time in the week for you to do something that is meaningful to you. Believe in your inherent self-worth, and be okay saying “no”. Your children need limits to feel safe and secure. They won’t like you in the moment but they will benefit from the strength you show to set limits. You will never be able to please everyone; what’s most important is that you like yourself. Family meetings would also be helpful for you to help distribute the chores in the family and plan an activity together that is fun for everyone (including you!).

If Your Personality Priority Is Control…

3. Control – If your top priority is being in control (controlling yourself or others) then your family probably appreciates your ability to take action and be organized. However, you may also be controlling to the point that you are over-functioning and thus everyone else is under-functioning. (See How are Under-functioning and Over-functioning Patterns Impacting Your Family) Your children/teens may feel that your desire to control means that you don’t trust them which will create a lot of resentment. This will impact the closeness of your relationships with them. They will resent you being “nosey”.

Your personal growth challenge could be to choose some items where you can “let go”. Give family members more responsibility. Give them more trust. Family meetings would also be very beneficial because they promote an environment based on everyone having a voice vs. one leader making all the decisions. Try to give your children/teens choices in order that they feel that they have some control. Take time for yourself to meditate (practice calm breathing). Use a free app such as the Cleveland Clinic Stress Free Now App to help release some inner tension. Think about the concept of trust and what your childhood beliefs are about TRUST.

If Your Personality Priority Is Superiority…

4. Superiority – If your top priority is being superior, you’re probably very competent and a high-achiever. Your family probably appreciates how knowledgable you are. However, you may also be giving them feelings of inferiority. Your children/teens may feel that they can never be “perfect” or “good enough” and so they may develop high anxiety or feel discouraged and inadequate.

Your personal growth challenge could be to share your vulnerability. Admit your mistakes and ask for advice. The truth is that many people who act superior do so because they truly have feelings of inadequacy which they want to cover up. Choose what jobs you can let someone else take on. Let other family members take responsibility. Remind yourself that there is not one single person on the planet who is perfect. We are all on a learning journey. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Implement regular family meetings to share the responsibilities of managing a family.

In Canada, this weekend is Thanksgiving.  Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.  Let us be thankful for us all having different strengths and weaknesses.  I also want to thank you all for being loyal readers of my blog.  I love to write and your positive feedback keeps me motivated to keep on writing!

Warmly,

PPS.  Did You Know That 96% of Kids Lie?  To Receive My Free Report On Why Kids Lie and What To Do About It, click here.