Remember the quote: “The greatest thing you can do for your children is love your spouse.” from Stephen Covey’s Habit #3: Put First Things First? As with all the habits, this quote ties into habit #6 which will be the focus of today’s post.
Stephen Covey’s Habit #6 for Highly Effective Families = Synergize!
Synergy is the magic that happens when the relationship between two parts becomes a part itself. If you think about our hands, using both our hands together we can do much more than by using each hand separately. As parents, it’s important to combine each other’s strengths to create a third, even greater strength. This third entity is one’s family culture, purpose and values. This Habit #6 is the combination of Habit #4: Think Win-Win and Habit #5: Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood.
What Is The Key to Synergy?
According to Covey, the key to synergy is to appreciate the differences. Ironically, people are often attracted to each other, initially by one’s differences. It can be exciting and refreshing to meet someone who is different from oneself. However, overtime, these differences can cause distress. The important point to remember is that as long as the overarching goals and values for the family are a shared vision, then there is value in having different perspectives and different strengths, to help make better decisions.
We count on each other’s strengths to help compensate for our individual weaknesses. We know we’re better together than we are alone. ~ Stephen Covey (p.257)
How Does Synergy Help a Family Cope with Challenges?
Synergy brings people together and allows for creativity of new ideas that neither person thought of on their own. Covey states that the family culture created by focusing on a Win-Win atmosphere, Seeking First to Understand, and Synergy is comparable to a healthy immune system. These habits create a family that can pull together when the going gets tough. A problem can then be seen as a vaccination which activates the immune system to produce anti-bodies and make you stronger.
The key to your family culture is how you treat the child that tests you the most. ~ Stephen Covery (p. 261)
When you show unconditional love toward your child at their most challenging moment, you show others in the family, that your love is unconditional. This builds trust and strength in the family culture.
Some Situations Don’t Require Synergy
Stephen Covey and his wife sometimes used a quick tool, with each other and as a family, to make quick decisions without synergy. As a family they agreed to be completely honest in response to the question, “On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the strongest, how important is this to you?” If one person was at a 9 and the other person was at a 3, they would go with the person who said 9. If they were both 5-5, they may go for a quick compromise. This tool showed respect for the depth of another family member’s feelings. Of course, some situations can’t be resolved this quickly and then it’s important to call a family meeting and go through a deeper process, to understand where everyone is coming from and to come up with a win-win solution.
Imagine what a transformation it would be to teach children in classrooms and children in families the concept of 1+1 equalling greater than two!
Hope your week is synergistic!
Warmly,
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