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Home Exchange #2b

We’ve now left the beach house and moved to the primary home of our second home-exchange family, located in Nantes, the sixth largest city of France.  We are staying in this lovely renovated home on a very quiet street just ten minutes from downtown.

Nantes is surrounded by two rivers, La Loire and L’Erdre.  Today we took the bikes and went for a long bike ride along the Erdre river.  It was a beautiful ride.  We saw hidden away chateaus with beautiful views of the river,

fed ducks and swans,

and took a detour through a tiny village in search of drinks and some baked goods from the local boulangerie.

As we were biking I thought about the planning that goes into a holiday and the balance of keeping everyone’s energy re-fueled.  We are a family of extroverts and introverts.  The fact that I would plan a vacation involving three home exchange families, lets you know that I’m an extrovert, as is my daughter.  My husband and son are both introverts.

Carl Jung, a famous Swiss psychologist, was the one to identify these personality types.  We are born with the tendency to be either more extroverted or more introverted.  These personality types are on a continuum and there is no “right” or “wrong” type.  Some people may be closer to the centre of the continuum and enjoy lots of alone time and going to a party to meet a group of new people, but there will always be a preference to be more of one type than the other.  Extroverts are people who get energized from others.  They like to talk, share ideas and have new experiences.  In the western world, introverts are outnumbered by extroverts. Introverts get energized by taking a break from the outside world.  They need a rest from people, especially if they are not close friends or family, they need their space and they need time to reflect.  This can often be difficult for extroverts to understand as it is diametrically opposite from their needs.  Thus, it is very important to identify each family member’s personality type to determine the best way to re-fuel.  If our energy needs are met, one is able to cope better and enjoy the day. As parents, we know that factors such as sufficient sleep and good nutrition  influence positive behaviour but how often do we check-in to see if our energy needs are being met and if our children’s energy needs are being met?

Introvert or Extrovert?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is the official personality questionnaire that distinguishes one’s personality type, according to Jung’s psychological theory, but one needs special training to administer this.  However, the excellent book, Please Understand Me has a questionnaire which gives you a good idea as to your personality type.

In general, an extrovert:

• enjoys being around people
• becomes energized by a group
• processes out loud
• likes to tell you about his/her experiences and thoughts
• appreciates a lot of feedback (approval)
• is okay receiving some or a lot of attention in front of others

Whereas an introvert:

• enjoys being by him/herself or with a few close friends or family members
• may be chatty with close friends or family members but much quieter around others
• finds it draining to be with large groups and constantly “on-the-go”
• enjoys quiet and time alone
• needs “down-time” in between activities
• has strong feelings about personal space
• is uncomfortable receiving attention in front of others

My husband has taught me a lot about introverts.  For example, last Christmas I thought it would be a great idea to organize some families on our street to go Christmas Carolling together, door-to-door, as they often do in England.  We have a musical crowd of young families on our road and I thought it would be a lot of fun! When I suggested the idea to my husband, he looked at me – aghast!  He said he couldn’t imagine anything worse than having a group of people, surprise you by knocking on your door, and then expect you to open the door and stand there while listening to them sing a Christmas carol!  For introverts, one’s home is a safe haven where you relax and get away from the outside world, thus the idea of door-to-door Christmas carolling for an introvert would be intrusive whereas an extrovert would find it energizing and heart-warming!  We need introverts and extroverts in our world to create balance, but as extroverts it is important that we don’t impose our ideas that meet our needs upon introverts.

How to plan to keep everyone’s energy re-fuelled on a daily basis

For Introverts:

• Allow time for them to be observers and reflect
• Create opportunities for them to “take a break” (build in quiet time)
• Plan with their needs in mind, one fun activity vs. a day full of activities
• Shorten an event or leave if a setting is becoming too overwhelming
• Give them uninterrupted time to work on a project, play etc.
• Create space

For Extroverts:

• Allow time for talking through problems or just talking about their day
• Create opportunities for interacting with others (including telephone calls to relatives, friends etc.)
• Expose to new activities, settings or people
• Provide lots of feedback
• Share thoughts and feelings
• Make plans to meet up with friends

As we reach the half-way mark of our home-exchange-holiday, I realize that home exchange vacations are a good solution for extroverts and introverts.  The homes we are staying in provide down-time to relax, play with other children’s toys, eat meals at home etc.  They also provide a new neighbourhood to explore, new people to meet and a wide variety of activities to explore.  We happen to currently be located on a quiet street with only the sound of church bells ringing, yet ten minutes away we can be part of the buzz of downtown Nantes.  Bike riding as a family works well for us because it is an individual and peaceful activity which can also be interactive and interesting as we explore new places – something for everyone.

Next time your child, you, or your spouse  are cranky, remember to question if it’s related to hunger, tiredness or energy depletion.

Have an energizing day!

Warmly,