Blog

The Final Home Exchange!

We’ve now left “our home” in Nantes, and moved to our fourth and final house in a tiny village called Plachy-Buyon, ten minutes away from the beautiful town of Amiens.  Amiens is famous for its cathedral – the largest in France!  We are living in a lovely, simple home and again we realize that the de-cluttering of our home, that we accomplished before we left Vancouver, was only the beginning. We need to continue to simplify our lives and continue de-cluttering when we return home.

While staying in the North of France we are travelling to a few places.  The last few days we spent in Disneyland, Paris with some Canadian friends.  It was a great visit, but as my husband said “I’m looking forward to getting back to France!” (It was very similar to the California Disneyland.)  This weekend we will visit Paris, and next week we will spend a few days in Belgium. We are on the home-stretch now…12 more days!

The Origins of Temperament

In a previous article, I discussed introverts and extroverts travelling together but it is also important to take into account the different temperamental traits that we all come by honestly.  Most researchers agree that we obtain our temperamental behaviours genetically and through maturity and environmental factors, such as parental influence, behaviours can be modified to some degree.

The temperament mix of all family members affects overall family life, thus it is very beneficial to understand each others temperaments to know how to work with them versus trying to change them. It is a very positive societal shift that we are now recognizing  individual differences and learning to respond accordingly. Over the next month I will be discussing each of the nine temperament traits, as first classified by Thomas & Chess.  In this article, I will be focusing on sensitivity.

The Temperament Trait of Sensitivity

Many people wonder why there seems to be more and more sensitive  people  these days.  It makes sense that sensitive people tend to marry sensitive people and therefore give birth to sensitive children.  How sensitive are you and other family members?  All the temperament traits fall on a continuum, and through observation and questions, one can determine where each family member falls on the continuum.

1———————–2———————–3————————4——————–5

(not usually sensitive)                                                                               (very sensitive)

In Mary Sheedy-Kurcinka’s excellent parenting books, Raising A Spirited Child and Kids Parent and Power Struggles, she describes this continuum in detail and provides questions to help you determine each family member’s place.

For example, how do you react to strong smells, bright lights, loud noises, and uncomfortable clothing? Do you have strong feelings?

Some people need complete quiet to fall asleep, others can fall asleep in a noisy room.  Some people are affected by other people’s stress, others are are not as affected.  Some people don’t mind hearing babies/children cry or scream whereas for others it puts their sensitive systems into “overload”.  There is no right or wrong and all traits have their positives and negatives.  Many sensitive people experience greater anxiety as they experience life through all their pores.  However, individuals who are higher in sensitivity also tend to be very empathic, caring and form deep attachments.

My children are both higher on the sensitive continuum.  Ever since they were babies we noticed that they winced at loud noises, disliked squeaky and noisy electronic toys, and had a difficult time watching various TV shows or movies as they “became” the characters.  When my son was born, my then two and a half year old daughter would start to empathically cry when he cried.

Last week my daughter fractured her elbow in two places while being persistent (another temperament trait)!  She was seeing how far she could jump off the swing!  Unfortunately, when she decided to jump off higher to get further, she ended with a bang.  At the hospital, my sensitive son suddenly got a stomach ache and turned sheet-white the moment he saw the bandages going on for the cast.  As soon as my sensitive daughter saw his face, she started to vomit!  The doctor looked at me and said “Les deux!?”  (“Both!?”)  I explained that they were both sensitive and he smiled.

Sensitive children are stress-detectors.  They feel uncomfortable if an adult is raising their voice, even if it’s at another child.  They sense when others are stressed and this makes them stressed.  If you are feeling stressed, and your child is acting-out, this is a good time for you both to stop what you are doing, have a hug and both calm down.

It is important to be aware of overstimulation.  (Disneyland is a classic for this!  We saw many children experiencing over-load.) Through conversations with your child, it is helpful for them to understand that they are sensitive and may feel other people’s feelings more deeply, get hot more easily, or be very agitated by loud noises.  Once we know the triggers, it is easier to plan for them and to be aware of the stimulation level in various environments.  If you are not as sensitive as your child, you can invite him/her to share his sensory experiences with you.  Be aware that although TV, video games, computer time etc. create a break from adult-child interaction, these electronics are also very stimulating, thus screen-time should be limited.

Being attuned to your feelings and your child’s, benefits everybody. The sooner you catch a potential trigger, the greater chance of preventing everyone from going into sensory overload.

Sensitive children bring our attention to many sounds, smells, tastes, textures, sights and feelings that we may not have noticed.

Hope you’re having a sensory-filled summer,

Warmly,