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Last summer, my family and I were away in Naramata, in the beautiful interior of B.C.  This quaint town has just one block of shops, a few restaurants, a library and not even a gas station.  It makes it easier to live in the moment and be mindful when surrounded by beauty and simplicity.  At a local second hand store I picked up a copy of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – a book that I’ve been meaning to read for a long time.  It was the perfect setting for reading this book.  I read one agreement for each day of our holiday, in order that I could really absorb and reflect on the message of each agreement.  Whether your beliefs are connected to a specific religion, spirituality or humanistic views, The Four Agreements from the Toltec tradition are important words to live by and to model to our children.

What Are the Four Agreements?

Agreement #1

Be impeccable with your word.  Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Agreement #2

Don’t take anything personally.  Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Agreement #3

Don’t make assumptions.  Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Agreement #4

Always do your best.  Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

How Do These Messages Translate to Our Children?

When we look at these four agreements, I believe they summarize the messages that we are trying to impart to our children:

1) The Golden Rule:  Treat others as you want to be treated

2) Believe in yourself and know that you will never be able to please everyone

3) When you don’t understand, ask for help or clarification

4)  Do the best you can

We all know these messages but it can be difficult to consistently practice what we preach.  Don Miguel Ruiz expands on each of the four agreements with words of wisdom to explain how we may get drawn into life drama when we don’t follow these agreements wholeheartedly. I encourage you to read this short but powerful little book.  As Gretchen Rubin says in her book The Happiness Project:

“It wasn’t until I tried to stop gossiping that I realized how much I did, in fact, gossip.”

We know it’s best to follow the four agreements but to have the discipline takes considerable practice.  We can only improve with repetition; thus, even if you catch yourself in an act contrary to one of the four agreements, acknowledge your detour, and press the “re-start” button.  Awareness = action, therefore catching oneself is the first step.

Hope you’re having a wonderful week so far!

Warmly,

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