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Last week I wrote an article about Easing Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety and promised tips, this week, on handling the night before school starts.

Setting Up for Success the Night Before School Starts

Distraction vs. Avoidance

Although, avoidance fuels school anxiety and is unhelpful, for example: school refusal, distraction is a helpful strategy when our emotions are distressed and heightened. If your child/teen is anxious the night before school starts, you may be able to distract him/her by watching a funny movie as a family, or going for a walk, run, bike ride etc. Activity and humour are both good ways to diffuse stress. However, it is still very important to go to bed on-time, especially as the anxiety may make it more difficult for one to fall asleep right away.

Using the Five Senses for Calming

For some people, different senses have soothing effects.
Examples:

• a warm bubble bath
• a cup of herbal tea
• the smell of lavender or another soothing scent
• a soft fleece blanket
• a weighted blanket
• a feather or pom pom rubbed on one’s arm, cheeks or eye lids
• a hot water bottle
• quiet, relaxing music
• a back rub, or squishes (when one pushes in different areas of one’s back and shoulders)

Set A Time Limit for Discussing Worries

• Worrying thoughts go round and round, therefore it’s important to tell your child that there will be a time-limit, for example 15 minutes, to discuss worrying thoughts and then the discussion will be stopped and some quiet music will be played or a story will be read etc.
• In this time-limited session of discussing the worries, try to help problem-solve and brainstorm strategies vs. reassuring that everything will be okay
• Remind your child of the times that you felt nervous and how you coped, and tell stories of different situations that were anxiety-provoking for your child that he/she overcame
• Once the time-limit for discussion time is over, switch to a different activity such as quiet music, story etc.  Remind your child that you are not being mean, but by talking about the worries over and over again actually makes them stronger

Be as Organized as Possible

• Lay out clothes for school the night before
• Prepare pack-lunch for school the night before
• Prepare one’s backpack and school supplies the night before
• If necessary, arrange to meet a friend on the school playground or walking to school with a friend

The Morning of the First Day of School for School Anxiety

• Aim to be at school early – it’s easier to be at school first than last
• If your child is elementary age, playing on the school playground, before the bell rings, can help settle the jitters
• If your child is highly anxious, and once you know who will be the classroom teacher, you may be able to arrange to bring your child to the class ten minutes early to “help the teacher” or just quietly read a book in the classroom. For some children with high anxiety, it can be grounding to be sitting in the classroom quietly before all the other students arrive – it’s also more difficult to try and leave the classroom once one is already in there

Bridging the Separation

(Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a Vancouver-based psychologist specializing in Attachment theory, discusses the importance of bridging the separation.)

• Say “good-bye” with a special hand gesture that connects to The Invisible String story or Kissing Hand story
• Be sure to say to your child: “See you at 3pm pick-up. I’ll (or your Mom or your Dad) will be picking you up and then we’ll go to the park” or somewhere that would be fun
• For younger children, having a comfort toy, blanket or family photo in their back pack can be helpful
• For younger children, writing a note in their lunch is a nice way to bridge the separation. Adding a surprise favourite treat to your child’s lunch (for any age child/teen) shows that you’re thinking about him/her
• As you say “good-bye” it’s important to give the visual body cues and calm tone of voice that you have confidence in their abilities to handle the first day of school

Free Mindshift App for Anxiety

• For older kids and teens, I recommend that they download the free Mindshift App for excellent coping strategies as discussed in my previous post: Are You Looking For A Mindshift?

If you have children returning to school tomorrow, I hope they have a smooth transition.

Take care,

Warmly,

 

 

 

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