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Back To School Anxiety

The “What if…?” questions are starting…

The “I don’t want summer holidays to end” talk has begun…

For younger ones, the separation anxiety is increasing…

For teens, the irritability and moodiness seems to be on the rise…

What is Your Child’s Behaviour Communicating to you?

The most important “rule-of-thumb” about behaviour, is that it is always communicating a message, and as parents, it is up to us to be the detectives and decipher the underlying meaning.

The second “rule-of-thumb”: “Feelings First, Logics Last”.  Your child does not want you to start trying to “fix” and “problem-solve” their worries away, first and foremost, they want to feel heard.

For example,  “It sounds as though you’re feeling…”  “You seem to be feeling…”

Listen for opportunities where they’re trying to reach out to you, and then catch the moment, and be there, ready to listen vs. fix.

Once you’ve truly listened, then one can move into some proactive strategies.

Tips for Reducing Back to School Anxiety

• Shopping for a new backpack, lunch bag, or some new clothes can help one warm up to the idea of returning to school

• Meeting up with school friends for a playdate or to “hang-out”

• Playing at the school playground

• Requesting a tour of the school, if this is going to be your child’s new school

• Looking at the school on the school website

• Getting back to regular sleep routines and earlier wake-up times

• For the younger ones, adding a few comfort items to the backpack (a stuffed toy, a special stone, a little note saying that you’re looking forward to hearing about their day at pick-up)

• Having a calendar (paper and/or digital) in place in order that everyone knows when school is starting (and for how many hours that first day), and when after-school activities are starting.  Google Calendar is a great way to synch family calendars for everyone, or try a free family organizer app such as Cozi – it has a family calendar and appointment reminders, shopping lists, etc.

• Creating a system for each family member’s papers/forms.  Ikea has many options for boxes, filing systems, bulletin boards etc.

• Creating a system for library books, soccer cleats and uniform, musical instruments etc.  We have a line-up of bags, with each bag holding the necessary equipment for each activity

A Tool For Helping Kids and Teens Handle Distress

In the DBT Training I took last year, we were introduced to creating a Pros and Cons chart with an extra couple of effective boxes.  These extra boxes may seem repetitive but they are important because they require us to think about the pros and cons of a distressing situation from all four perspectives.

Here is a sample chart for the Pros and Cons of Going to School vs. Not Going to School:

After looking at all the Pros and Cons, one will hopefully realize that there’s more advantages for attending school.

It’s also important to convey to your children that you believe in their capability, and remind them of the facts:

• Going to school is not a 911 emergency
• There are many caring adults in the school
• All the kids are going to be feeling some nervousness
• It is normal to feel nervous about a new school year

For other tips for helping your child with separation anxiety and school, please refer to my previous article The Night Before School Starts Anxiety. and the article I wrote last year, How to Ease Your Child’s Back To School Worries/Anxiety.

The most important factor, is to find a way for your child to go to school that first day.

Here’s hoping that all goes well for you and your family and the first week of school,

Warmly,