Blog

A Look At the Meaning of Privilege

This summer I took my kids to Moms’ and Kids’ camp at Camp Fircom on beautiful Gambier Island.   At Moms’ & Kids’ camp, there’s different programmed morning activities for the moms and the kids.  On one of the mornings, we (the moms) had the choice to participate in an experiential exercise called “What is Privilege?”  We lined up, held hands and then took steps forward or backward according to the questions as seen here in Buzzfeed.  There were a lot of questions that were related to finances, as well as sexual orientation, race, mental  health disabilities, physical disabilities and more.  It was a strange feeling to start off all together and end in different spots.  It created an interesting conversation around the broad term of “privilege” and people suggested other questions that could have been added such as physical characteristics such as height, weight etc.  death of a family member etc.  The exercise is just an exercise, the questions are not based on empirical evidence, but do create discussion.

It is reality that we all start from different points, but I do believe that we can all find ways to connect with one another, no matter how diverse our lives are and have been.  This is one of the main reasons I loved volunteering at Camp Fircom so much in my teens.  We all found commonalities, no matter one’s family SES, race etc. and everyone could just be him/herself, there was no pressure to be “cool”.

What is Entitlement?

When I think about “privilege” I also think about entitlement.  It’s hard to believe that there are teenagers driving around Vancouver in extremely luxurious cars with an “N” sticker indicating that they are approximately 17 years old, such as this Ferrari which would cost at least $150,000!  I also think about stories I’ve heard where grade twelve graduates are receiving expensive sports cars as graduation presents, such as this Mclaren below ($250,000 +)!

This may seem like “privilege” but in reality, it’s very unlikely that these presents will help these youth be more successful in their lives.  If they are used to being given everything and have “Over-the-Top” parents who love to indulge them, they are likely to be left with no inner resources for feeling happy.

I wonder…

How are they going to provide for themselves in the future?  How are they going to have intrinsic motivation to reach their goals?  How are they going to figure out what their goals are? How are they going to manage without their parents enabling and entitling? Who is their compass point?

Perhaps some of these graduates have worked extremely hard and have earned very high marks which is now being rewarded with these kinds of cars,  yet their outcomes are also unfavourable according to studies such as this one:

Teens with parents who overemphasized their accomplishments were most likely to be depressed or anxious and use drugs according to a 2005 study led by Luthar in Current Directions in Psychological Science (Vol. 14, No. 1).

What Are the Greatest Gifts Our Children Can Have the Privilege to Receive?

In Madeline Levine’s book, The Price of Privilege, she quotes the gifts of time (warm and close parent-child connection) and discipline (limit setting that teaches) as the two most important factors in raising independent, well-adapted children.  It is a privilege to raise children and be a parent.  It takes time to be a parent.

“It takes a village to raise a child” – Madeline Levine points out the importance of community – helping one another out and being on the look out for each other’s kids.  She emphasizes the importance of connecting with like-minded families.

“Make it clear that you value good citizenship just as much as academic excellence.  Make certain that your children see you treat others respectfully.  Bring them along to events that include the community… Watch your children for signs of arrogance or bullying or lack of cooperation.” p.189 The Price of Privilege

Affluent communities emphasize competition and extrinsic markers of success such as high grades, trophies and admissions to prestigious schools.  This cultivates external, as opposed to internal motivation, putting children at risk for a host of psychological difficulties. p. 171  The Price of Privilege, Madeline Levine

I hope you are having the privilege of spending quality family time together this summer,

Warmly,

 

 

 

PS. Are you curious about Why Children Lie & What To Do About It? Click here to find my Free Report that reveals the answers.