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Understanding our core values is a significant principle in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (A.C.T) – a therapy that encourages people to embrace their thoughts and feelings, even the unpleasant ones, in conjunction with mindfulness strategies.

Our core values change throughout our lifetime based on life experience, significant events, losses, career, relationships etc.

Our core values help us determine our purpose in life which may evolve as we continue on this life journey.

When we feel grounded in our core values, it helps us to stay anchored even when the seas get stormy.

Our values guide us in staying true to who we really believe we are and what we stand for.

In the excellent book, Lighter, by Yung Pueblo, he says:

“Staying in alignment with your values and with the version of yourself you are working on cultivating is the fundamental aspect of authenticity that opens the door to the real you.  Without intention, you would be aimless. Through intention, you reveal who you really are.” p. 74

For our kids it’s really important to talk about values and help identify family values as well as individual values.

It’s important to model our values and show how we use them to guide us.

How to Identify Your Core Values

To identify your core values, it’s a good idea to jot down:

• When you are in a state of “flow” what is it that you are doing and how does it connect to your values?
• What are some qualities in others that you appreciate?
• When you think of famous people that have had a good influence, what values do you associate with them?
• When you think about the legacy you want to leave, how does that connect to your values?

You can do an internet search to get a list of the many different values.

I recently bought a deck of Values cards called The Live Your Values Deck (as shown in the photograph above).

This box comes with 78 cards to help you identify your core values.  It also comes with three cards to help categorize the cards into “Doesn’t matter to me”, “Matters some”, “Matters most”.  Once you’ve sorted your “matters most” cards, it’s time to choose your top ten and then your top five core values.  Spoiler alert:  This is really challenging!

All the values cards are worthwhile but we can’t be everything, so it’s important to hone in on what resonates most for you.

For example, if you are a creative person, then it would make a lot of sense that Creativity would be one of your core values as this would bring you joy and others joy as you share your creativity.

However, this value wouldn’t fit for everyone. Someone else might resonate with Justice and be very passionate about advocacy work and this would be a core value for them.

When you know your core values, it helps to make decisions and filter out all the other options out there.

Your core values are an essential ingredient in your close relationships.  You may love someone but if your values are not aligned then it’s challenging to be able to grow together.

Your core values show up in your relationships, your work, your free time and your physical and mental health.

Once you have determined your top five core values, it’s then important to evaluate those five areas of your life and see how aligned you are with living your values in those domains.  By identifying your core values, it can help you make positive shifts to living more authentically.

By talking to your children and teens about their core values, you can help them use them as their compass.

You can talk to them about different peer pressure situations that could come up and how they would handle them according to their core values.

We can also refer back to our core values and our family’s core values when we review how the week has gone.

For example, for yourself, if one of your core values is Fun, did you carve out some time for fun this week?

If your child has a core value of Solitude, did your child get enough down-time this week?

Identifying our core values can be a useful exercise to do with colleagues in the work place, with family members, with close friends, with a partner etc.

When we truly understand the values of the people closest to us, we can see how we may have conflict if our values are different.  This can be helpful for conflict resolution or for realizing that our paths have gone different ways.

Identify Your Core Values and Journal about Them

Journalling about a different core value on a daily, weekly or monthly basis is also beneficial.

Nowadays, having a “BuJo” (Bullet Journal) is a trendy and effective way to journal.

All you need is a blank notebook, or a dot journal and some markers.  Write one of your core values at the top of a page and write whatever comes to mind for you.

A bullet journal can also be used for keeping track of fitness goals, planning a weekly dinner schedule, creating a “to-do” list etc.  For more information on Bullet Journaling, Oprahdaily.com has a good article here.  You can also search #bujo on Instagram for many creative visuals of different types of pages.

As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better”,

Warmly,

Sharon