As I continue my deep dive learning into trauma and our nervous system with Dr. Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry course, I’m learning about Polyvagal Theory developed by Dr. Stephen Porges.
Three States of Our Nervous System
Essentially, there are three states of the nervous system which are important for us all to understand.
Ventral Vagal – When we are feeling calm, safe, connected to ourselves and others.
Sympathetic State – When our nervous system is hyper-vigilant, in survival mode – ready for fight or flight.
Dorsal Vagal State – When we our immobilized, and shut down for protection. This is how it feels when one is down, in despair or depressed.
When we’ve experienced trauma, which according to Dr. Maté is not always about what happened directly to us, it’s also about what didn’t happen (For example, not experiencing unconditional love as a child, or being neglected) we tend to withdraw and remain in a constant state of alert and protection.
Dr. Maté explains most of us carry some trauma in our nervous system, especially with the constant stress we now experience in our society. (Read his new book: The Myth of Normal)
Trauma puts us into a protective state, and disconnects us from ourselves and others. This is okay as a short-term response but not healthy as a long-term response. As humans, we are wired for love and connection to ourselves and others.
What Are Triggers?
We get triggered when an emotional wound is activated by a current event. Our nervous system believes we are under threat and our sympathetic nervous system is on high alert to fight or flight, and then our dorsal vagal system may get activated and we immoblise and shut down.
What is most important to know about triggers, is that they are about your past wounds, and if not recognized, your big feelings will then get projected onto the people around you.
I have written these two blogs on how to handle our triggers and be 100% responsible for our feelings: How to Handle Triggers and Teach Coping Skills and Five Tips to Handle Emotional Reactivity
What Are Glimmers?
Glimmers are the moments of joy that we experience.
“However, glimmers aren’t just tiny moments that bring joy or happiness, they can also spark ease, relaxation, safety, connection or a feeling that the world is okay even for a fleeting moment.” ~ Deb Dana USA Today
Deb Dana, a clinical therapist, author and educator coined the term “glimmers”. She says:
“What we’ve discovered is as you begin to see a glimmer, you begin to look for more, It’s just what we do… and we then delight in finding them. That’s your nervous system beginning to shape toward the patterns of connection that are inherently waiting in there to be deepened and brought alive.” ~ USA Today
Examples of glimmers:
- Awe inspiring moments in nature…a sunset, sunrise, rainbow, ocean, beach, forest, flower etc.
- Favourite song (you could encourage your child/teen to make a playlist of uplifting music)
- Hugging your pet
- Warm words or a warm smile from someone who cares about you
Deb recommends keeping a Glimmer Journal to record your glimmers. She also suggests setting a “Glimmer intention” so that you focus on noticing a glimmer during a specific time period of the day.
For many people who’ve experienced trauma, they may be afraid of feeling happiness because they think the feeling won’t come back again. However, Deb explains that noticing glimmers honours the fact that the person is experiencing suffering but that they can also have small moments where their nervous system gets a reprieve and feels the calm and ease of the Ventral Vagal state.
It’s a physiological experience and over-time it can help shape the nervous system.
By experiencing micro-moments of glimmers and shifting to the bright side in these moments, it can have a beneficial impact on our mind and health.
Other benefits of glimmers:
They are micro-moments causing tiny, positive mood shifts.
Our body responds with positive energy which also gets noted by our brain.
Our nervous system is strengthened by them.
They help increase our sense of well-being.
I wish you and your kids many glimmers versus triggers this week,
Warmly,
PS. Registration is currently open for my ONLINE SUMMER children’s groups for ages 7-10yrs. I will be running the Brain Science Anxiety Management group and the Self-Empowerment group online. (In-person groups will resume in the fall.). For more information click here.
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@quinoal
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