Blog

I recently attended the new Screenagers Documentary: The Next Chapter – Uncovering Skills for Stress and Resilience, hosted by Alcuin College School in North Vancouver.  This is the sequel to Dr. Delaney Ruston’s documentary: Screenagers.  In this most recent film, she opens up about her own teen daughter’s struggles with depression and how challenging it has been for all of them.  The film interviews a lot of teens struggling with anxiety and depression and states that since 2011, there has been a 59% increase in depression.

Delaney says she fully agrees and understands the quote:

“You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” ~ Beth Moore

How Does Sleep Deprivation Impact Mental Health?

According to the research shared in the film:

• 41% of teens get less than 7 hours of sleep (The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 6– 12-year-olds get 9-12 hours of sleep a night, and 13–18 year-olds get 8–10 hours a night.)
• 36% who sleep with their phones say they check their phones at least once in the middle of the night
• Just having a phone in the bedroom, negatively impacts the amount of sleep and quality, even if teens say they are not checking them
• A sleep-deprived teen can also look like an anxious or depressed teen

Teens and Anxiety

• Dr. Rosen explained that the longer we don’t let a teen use their phone because we’ve taken away their phone or implemented a screen curfew, the higher their anxiety goes (they tested for this).  (They get an initial spike in anxiety because they’ve become so dependent on their devices, which is of course, not a good thing. As with most things, moderation is the key.)
• When anxiety creates avoidance and interferes with one’s life, it is at a clinical stage
• Teens need to have practice with distress.   Eg. Have them practice asking questions where the answer will be “No”, such as asking at a pizza place, if they sell sushi?
• Teens sometimes see counselling as a sign of weakness, but it’s important that they get professional help, if they are struggling
• Author, Lynn Lyons recommended the Three Ex’s: Expect, Externalize and Experiment.  Expect to feel anxious, See it as thoughts outside of oneself, and experiment with pushing through, and facing the challenging situation

How Can Parents Help?

The film shows an interesting study, where children were asked to solve a puzzle on the computer, with their parents by their side, but the parents were directed not to help.  However, in many cases the parents would jump in and help!  When parents jumped into help, it RAISED the children’s levels of stress and DECREASED the parent’s level of stress!

*Key Point:  Parents need to listen and not always problem-solve or jump in and rescue.

The #1 skill for parents of teens = VALIDATION – many parents in the documentary, including Dr. Delaney Ruston, were learning how to truly validate.  This doesn’t mean agreeing and it doesn’t mean offering your opinion – it simply means being empathetic and restating what you heard and what you see.

Examples of validating comments parents can say:

You’re having a really tough time right now.

Things are hard right now.

It seems as though you’re feeling…

What you want me to understand is…

To read my blog with lots more samples of validating and supportive statements click here.

It’s important to remember… FEELINGS FIRST and LOGICS LAST!

**Before problem solving or offering advice, ask your teen if she/he wants help.  Sometimes they just want to vent.

It’s important for parents to model sharing their feelings (without being a burden) and how they’re going to handle their emotions.

Create opportunities for face-to-face interaction.  Invite family, friends and/or neighbours over for dinner.  Spend 1:1 screen-free time with your child.

Seek help for your teen if you see they are struggling.  Some teens see asking for counselling as weak but they need to learn the importance of asking for help.

Social Emotional Learning and Cell Phones

Talk to your Principal and/or Parent Activity Council about your school’s Social Emotional Learning plan and cell phone policy.  In the film, students were shown putting their phones away at the beginning of class in a wall shoe holder.  Another school, requires students to keep their phones in their lockers during classes.

In the film, many students and teachers were shown learning social emotional skills through teacher directed lessons, peer-to- peer groups, and there was a touching scene of an all boys’ group where one male youth shared his sadness around his father dying and another boy shared his sadness about his Dad going to jail for many years.

In both cases, the importance of having someone to talk to was emphasized.

Teens and Screens

• Being on a screen is a way of avoiding emotions
• Suppressing one’s emotions slows the thinking process
• Teens who have low mood are spending more time on their phones

The importance of sleep can’t be highlighted enough.  Since many teens go to sleep later than their parents, it’s wise to have your whole house internet programmed to go off at a certain time, or use settings in Google Wifi, Apple parental controls or software such as Circle (by Disney).

In summary, the change in Dr. Delaney Ruston’s daughter, Tessa, from Screenagers I, to Tessa age 16yrs. in Screenagers Part II was significant.  Her depression was a reminder that it can happen to anyone, even if they were a happy child before or have a parent who’s a doctor.  As Delaney Ruston said to her daughter, you don’t choose to feel this way.  They got Tessa some counselling help and also had some family counselling sessions, which helped a lot.

If your child is showing signs of depression, it’s important to take it seriously and seek help from your doctor or a licensed mental health professional.

Warmly,

PS. Registration is currently open for my next round of Self-Empowerment groups for children ages 7-9 yrs. and 10-12yrs.  The 7-9yrs. group is full and there are currently two spaces available in the 10-12yrs. group.   For more information please see the flyer here and call Hailey at the ABLE Clinic for more information and to register at 604-922-3450.

PPS.  There’s a great free online summit happening right now for RAISING RESILIENCE in children and teens.  It includes 40 free presentations on topics connected to self-esteem, handling adversity, coping with strong emotions, and screens, and runs until November 1st, 2019.  I will be presenting on Understanding and Managing Anxiety on October 31st.  I am really looking forward to hearing one of my favourite’s in the field of child development – Dr. Dan Siegel speak on The Yes Brain on October 30th and Dr. Marc Brackett – Director of The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.  Recordings are available.  Click here for free registration.