How to Calm Yourself?
For many, this is the most wonderful time of the year, but the holiday season also comes with a lot of stress.
Some children, who like life to be predictable, may find the numerous social and family events overwhelming…late nights, lots of stimulation, lots of interactions with different people, not much down-time, eating different foods etc.
As parents, we may also feel stressed and our children will pick up on our stress. What is the best way to calm yourself and your child?
Fortunately, Linda Graham, author of Bouncing Back has a great tip for all of us…
Calm Yourself and Your Child with This Easy Tip
When our bodies are stressed, we automatically produce cortisol. Cortisol in small bursts is helpful – it helps us survive in dangerous situations, but our bodies are not designed to be “marinating” in cortisol as this impacts our sleep, our levels of anxiety, the functioning of our adrenal glands etc.
Fortunately, our bodies have an antidote for cortisol called oxytocin – the connection and cuddle hormone. This is the hormone of safety and trust. When we release oxytocin we feel calm.
Author and clinical therapist, Linda Graham shares the following five ways for activating oxytocin to calm yourself and your child:
- “Hand on the heart” – By putting our hand on our heart and taking deep breaths we can speed up the activation of oxytocin as there are neural cells in the heart – this is the quickest way to release oxytocin
- By hugging someone or holding someone’s hand – any warm, safe touch for 20 seconds or more will activate oxytocin
- We can breathe deeply into our heart centre to activate parasympathetic nervous system which will calm us down
- We can remember a memory of feeling safe and loved/touched by someone and this will release oxytocin
- By massaging our brain stem at the base of our skull which is loaded with oxytocin receptors
Does Being Calm Yourself, Really Help Others Calm Down?
It’s actually scientifically proven that being around someone who is calm, helps us calm down.
According to Dr. Linda Graham, author of Bouncing Back, the brain stem picks up on the energy of other people.
If we are around people who are calmer than us, their nervous system actually regulates ours without us even realizing it.
We can also do this consciously, by looking directly into the eyes of someone who is more calm than us.
There is a small fold of tissue in the visual cortex which picks up on the calm face and emotional expression and this then deactivates the amygdala – the alarm centre in the brain.
Brain science really helps to guide us with our parenting. This is the exciting part of parenting in the 21st century.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful “hand on the heart” calm, and joyous holiday season,
Warmly,
PS. There is currently one space left in my next Brain Science group for children ages 10-12 yrs. where we learn about anxiety and anxiety management strategies. (The 7-9 year old group is full but you can add your name to the waiting list). To register online and read more, click here and go to “upcoming groups/events”.
PPS. A couple of my other favourite articles that I’ve posted at this time of year, which may interest you are:
A Christmas Wish – Finding Peace and Forgiveness within You and Around You (there’s also a link to the beautiful John Denver song, “If you believe in love it will be more than enough…”)
5 Tips for Staying Peaceful and Grounded During the Holiday Season
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