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Are Some Children Born with Biological Vulnerabilities that Lead to Behaviour Challenges?

 Last week I wrote about Dr. Ross Greene’s mantra: “Kids do well if they can”.  I really like his approach, because he takes into account that yes, some children are born with more biological vulnerabilities to being less flexible and more volatile.  Parents often wonder if their “poor parenting” is the reason for their child’s out-of-control behavior, when often it is more a case of the child’s biological make-up.  Once you realize you have a child with a more challenging make-up, then it becomes important to know how to interact and resolve conflict with these “inflexible-explosive” children, as Ross Greene, calls them.  Children who may be predisposed to being more explosive and inflexible are children who have more intense temperaments, children with ADHD and Executive Functioning Deficits, (Executive functioning skills include: the ability to organize, plan, make goals, problem-solve, regulate emotions, and shift from one cognitive activity to another) children with language processing problems, and mood difficulties (also related to temperament).  I would also add, children with higher anxiety levels/sensivity and children on the Autism Spectrum.

 What is Dr. Greene’s Conflict Resolution “Basket” Approach?

Because frequent melt-downs create a lot of stress for all family members, or class-mates, the first goal with “explosive children” is to reduce the frequency of melt-downs.  If a child is experiencing several melt-down episodes per day, then he/she begins to identify with this role and loses confidence in handling problems in any other way.   Thus, the initial goal is to reduce the demands on the child by sorting the behaviours into the following three “baskets”, categorized by priority:

 Basket A:  The essential safety behaviours.  For example, wearing a seat belt in the car, and keeping hands and feet to self vs. hitting and kicking others.  These are non-negotiable limits.

 Basket B:  The high-priority behaviours  which are very important, but not worth a power struggle that will result in an explosive melt-down.  For example, completing homework, stopping screen-time or talking in a respectful manner.

Dr. Greene considers this the most important basket because these are the moments where compromise and negotiation skills can be taught..  Negotiating a solution can be extremely challenging for inflexible-explosive children and can quickly increase agitation and frustration.  His example of starting a negotiation process would be:  “I know that it is important for you to keep watching TV.  I would like for you to be able to do this, but I also know that you have homework that needs to get done.  Let’s try to come up with a compromise where you’ll get some of what you want, and I’ll get some of what I want”.  (The first part of this is very similar to SET communication which I’ve written about before.)  If a child becomes very agitated or frustrated, it is better to take a break, in order to avoid a child “flipping his/her lid” (having a melt-down), and then come back and try again when everyone is calm.  The goal is not for the adult to win.  The goal is to solve the problem without a melt-down even if it means giving the child a lot of concessions to get where you want to go.

 Basket C:  The behaviors which once seemed important, but are not really a top priority and certainly not worth a melt-down.  For example, the clothes a child wears, what a child will or will not eat, keeping their room clean etc.  For now, there are probably more important behaviours that are worth negotiating over.

 Does This Just Give The Children More Power?

Because more traditional parenting and teaching approaches focus on punishment, this approach may seem too soft.  However, the parents/teachers actually regain their Alpha position as they choose which behaviours are non-negotiable, which ones are negotiable, and which ones are not worth mentioning, for now.  If parents/teachers can follow through on their plan, they are back in charge vs. trying to correct every behavior and having no success with any intervention.  As the child becomes more skilled at tolerating frustration, making choices and learning how to compromise, then the behaviours from  Basket C can be systematically moved into Basket B.

What Is The Research to Show This Approach Works?

Research is recorded in Greene et al.  [2004]. Effectiveness of collaborative solving in affectively dysregulated children with oppositional-defiant disorder.  Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2004, 72,1157-1164.

Participants in this study, were parents of 50 children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), subthreshold features of either childhood bipolar disorder or major depression, and for some they also had ADHD.  Parents were randomly assigned to one of two parenting groups, 1) the Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving Model or 2) Dr. Russell Barkley’s (a leading authority in ADHD) behavioural parent training program.  At the end of each program, both groups of parents reported a significant decrease in their children’s oppositional behaviours. However, four months after the completion of the program, 80% of the parents in the Collaborative Problem Solving group were still seeing improvement whereas only 44% of the Russell Barkley group were still seeing improvement.

In a 2012 study, with 17 families where the children ranged from ages 6-13yrs., the Collaborative Problem Solving approach significantly reduced ODD, ADHD and emotional lability symptoms.  For more research on this model click here.

Does This Approach Fit With Adlerian Parenting?

Yes!  The Adlerian parenting philosophy is based on a mutually cooperative relationship between parent and child, which “drops the rope” on power struggles, yet enforces limits (logical and natural consequences) when necessary.  Attachment theory would also support this approach and is also against using punishment and rewards to try and change behaviour.  Dr. William Glasser, founder of Choice Theory, also disagrees with the use of external methods of control such as punishments and rewards.  There is a growing body of research to support methods of behavioural change that do not involve traditional behaviourist methods.

I hope you have a wonderful week and have time to identify which of your child’s behaviours belong in which basket,

Warmly,