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My last few articles have discussed how I see the Behaviourism model fitting with the Adlerian philosophy.  My last article specifically focussed on Extrinsic Motivation vs. Intrinsic Motivation and today I’m going to discuss, in further detail, my thoughts and experiences with external motivators.

Rewards, Bribes, Incentives?

I have met with numerous families who have told me that “Rewards don’t work for our child!”.  I have worked for many years in schools as a school counsellor where behaviour plans often incorporate rewards, and in my personal experience as an ABA therapist, part of the program was always to offer a reward at the end of a required task. All of my experiences as a mother, teacher, and counsellor have influenced my current thoughts on external rewards.

My Thoughts

• Always aim for intrinsic motivation first – discover what is in your child’s “Quality world” and tap into their inner drive for motivation
• When the task is nowhere close to being in their inner world, an incentive may be necessary.  Eg. Going for a filling at the dentist’s office, getting blood work or returning to school after a prolonged absence
• Use sparingly and for tasks that are out of the ordinary such as the above

How to Create an Incentive vs. a Bribe

In my experience many children who feel controlled and bribed, resist.  They either up the ante and negotiate for bigger and better, say they’re not going to do something unless they get x, y or z, or feel resentful that they are being controlled.  In Barbara Coloroso’s book, Kids Are Worth It, she talks a lot about treating children with dignity.  She is very against rewards and uses the example of us being old and living in senior homes one day.  She asks if we would want our children to come and visit us and be setting up sticker charts to reward us for going for a walk, or going to dinner or getting dressed etc.  Therefore, in my belief, incentives need to be offered, only when every intrinsic way has proven unsuccessful and as a way of showing support to the child – being along-side them vs. a top down, controlling kind of situation.

For example, if a child was highly anxious about going to the doctor’s and getting blood work, I would offer S.E.T communication (Support, Empathy, Truth) and say something like: “I know you don’t want to go to the doctor’s and I know you feel scared about getting a blood test, but the truth is this is necessary for your health and there is no choice.  However, I know this is really difficult for you so let’s think about what could take your mind off the blood test while you’re there, so that you have something exciting to think about that we can do right after.”  I would then brainstorm ideas with my child such as going to a favourite restaurant for lunch, getting an ice-cream, going to the book store to buy a book, going to the toy store to buy a small toy etc.  In my opinion, when incentives are offered as a way of showing support, it feels completely different than “If you do ___________, then I’ll get you a ___________”.

I’ve seen many behaviour plans in school work really well, but what is most interesting to me, is that in many cases, the child does not want the rewards that are being offered (children become detached from the rewards).  It is the firm limits that are made very clear and put in place that seem to have the biggest impact on the child’s behaviour.  My next article will focus on limit setting and consequences.

View this very interesting 10.5 minute video by Daniel Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Over 11 million people have watched it! He explains how people in the work place are more motivated by challenge, mastery, making a contribution and the opportunity to be self-directed vs. a monetary bonus.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc[/youtube]

In summary, I never say never, there may be a time to use an external incentive but with caution, sparingly and framed as support vs. control.

Have a wonderful week,

Warmly,

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