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Last week on my blog, I discussed the cautions of screen-time by summarizing the eye-opening book, Alone Together by Sherry Turkle.

How to Allot Time to Screens?

Parents will often ask me how much time their child should be allowed on screens.  This is a personal, family decision as there are many different perspectives.  Dr. Stuart Shanker, the founder of the website www.self-regulation.ca compares television to the “white sugar” of free-time.  In his family, with two elementary school-age children,  they have chosen to have no TV.  However, in general, as with all things, moderation seems to be the best answer.  For parents, to not be filled with angst every time their child’s on their ipad, computer, or TV, a contract or pre-determined screen schedule seems to be the solution.  Preferably, if your children are old enough, have them create a proposal of a screen-time contract, or work in collaboration to come up with something that all parties can live with.  For example, one movie/week, 3hrs. of TV/week and 2hrs. of ipad on the weekend.  Of course, if your children are old enough to be using the computer or ipad for homework then that has to be worked into the contract as well.  Times can be kept accountable by setting a timer, an honour system or for younger children there are parental controls for computers, and apps such as “Time Lock”.

Are Screens Really Addictive?  (and the post-body/mind “zone-out” effect)

Thanks to the ability to now perform non-intrusive brain scans, a lot more research is coming out on the addictive nature of screen-time.  In Stuart Shanker’s presentations, he discusses “Dopamine Fatigue”.  For example, every time one plays video games, there is a release of “dopamine, a neurotransmitter central in creating our drive for reward”. (Siegel, 2013, Brainstorm, p. 67).  According to Shanker, one has to start playing games for longer and at a more intense level to get the same dopamine effects.  Science has also discovered through brain imaging, that after playing video games, the Amygdala (the alarm centre) of the brain is much more activated.  Instead of exercising the more reflective, self-regulatory area of the brain (the pre-frontal cortex) as would happen through yoga, practicing mindfulness etc., the reactive, instinctive alarm centre of the brain is getting the work-out through electronic games.  Have you ever noticed how your children don’t quite seem themselves when they come off their fast-paced screen time?  It makes sense that they would still be in a  fight or flight state.

How to Handle Play-Dates and Screen Time?

In my opinion, it is best to model what limits you feel comfortable with, and if you’re comfortable asking, then ask the other parent what their policy is.  For example, you may let your child and the friend know that there is a 30 minute screen-time limit and the rest of the play-date is to be spent outside, playing with toys etc.  As for “M” rated video games, I think it is very reasonable to ask that your child not play these games, if there is knowledge that this family does have these games.  It’s also important to educate your own child as to why these games have “M” ratings and the negative side-effects of playing them.

How to Supervise Which Sites Are Accessed?

 The Canadian Centre for Child Protection has a website called Thedoorthatsnotlocked.ca  “all web no net”.  I think this sums it up.  As children we had to be careful of strangers at the park and nowadays we have to be wary of strangers in our own home!  For two years I sat on the Lower Mainland Child Abuse Prevention Educators Committee. We had representatives from The Canadian Centre for Child Protection in Manitoba, come and talk to us about true stories of perpetrators luring children and teens through the web.  These stories were scary.  Computers and wifi devices should be used in common areas, NOT in bedrooms.  On-line games should be played with real friends not internet “friends” or acquaintances.  Even if the on-line gamers are not necessarily perpetrators, have you listened to them talk?  The use of foul language, verbally and through posts, runs rampant!  There are also programs such as Microsoft Family Safety which create parental controls and report back to the parents which sites have been accessed and for how long.  Parent education is also essential.  Parents need to be “in the know” and need to teach their children about “posting permanence” and digital etiquette in general.  The Canadian Centre for Child Protection also has a very informative site called www.kidsintheknow.ca

What’s My Child Not Doing Because of Screen Time?

There are many answers to this question.  Last week I discussed the importance of solitude which for many, has been replaced by technology.  Most importantly, is to ask oneself this question and evaluate if screen-time is in-balance with other activities.

What Are Some Good Alternatives to Screen Time?

It’s hard to find activities that are as motivating as screen-time, which becomes a concern in itself when one’s child only wants to do screen-time.  However, if you can tap into their passion and help to nurture it, this will create another hobby besides screen-time.  Perhaps it’s acting, playing a musical instrument, art, basketball, soccer or reading?  Having 1:1 quality time/attention with a parent also still seems to rank higher than screen-time!  “Little Bits” are another very interesting idea that was recommended to me.  Little Bits are what one might think of as electronic Lego.  Each piece is magnetized so they fit together easily to build electric circuits.  I also love the way they can be incorporated with other arts and crafts creations to light up another hand-made creation.  For more information on this very clever multi-award winning invention, check out: www.littlebits.cc/awards and this clip from CNN: www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEWOk-5qWRk

How to Plan Technology-Free Family Vacations?

Leonard Sax, author of Girls on the Edge and Boys Adrift was recently in Vancouver and his message for family holidays was to go on vacation to a place where there is no cell phone coverage, such as Manning Park in B.C.  He stressed the importance of technology-free holidays with just one’s own family, no friends.  He focussed on the importance of being together as a family and strengthening family bonds.  If you do go away with another family, I would suggest discussing technology with your friends ahead of time. By coming up with a plan that everyone feels comfortable with, whether it be no ipads for the whole holidays or no phones/ipads at dinners, the guidelines will be clear and it won’t be uncomfortable in the moment.

Can My Child Self-Monitor His/Her Own Screen Time?

Ideally, we would like our children to be able to self-monitor.  However, for younger children this may not be possible. As discussed earlier, the dopamine is flowing and the Amygdala is activated so it’s very difficult to ask a young child to just “turn it off”.  I think the first goal has to be “frustration tolerance” as one gets used to the challenge of coming off a device, and then the next goal can be self-monitoring with a parent on stand-by.

How to Handle the Peer Pressure of Other Families Who Have Less Rules Around Technology/Video Games?

There will always be other families who have more or less of whatever the topic may be.  I feel it’s important that we impress upon our children, that we create rules based on our family values.  Every family is different and therefore every family is going to have different rules.  It can be a challenge to create alternatives to video games, especially when your child has friends over, but finding other ways to be active or creative can be a good replacement.

By talking to each other, we can come up with solutions to incorporate technology and devices into our lives, but without having them take-over.  Please leave comments if you have more ideas to share.

Warmly,